Writing hot sex scenes can be a lot of fun. But peoples' reactions can vary. #1 - OMIGOD! You write porn? No - it's a love story. #2 - You get the come to Jesus lecture - not fun. #3 - Your friends and co-workers view you in a whole different light. Wink. Wink. #4 - Men think you did a lot of research and you are a easy lay. Not true! #5 - Or they really enjoy your story and write you nice fan letters. My favorite!
Riling up a master vampire is about as smart as whacking on a hornet’s nest with a stick, you’re gonna get bit, repeatedly.
In my defense I had a raging case of P.M.S. that day and in a bit of a snit I blew up Ian McGregor’s 1968 cherry red, mint condition Mustang. Who knew that a Highland warrior that had been turned way back in 1186 would be so rabid about his cars?
My psychic abilities are the only reason I’m still breathing. My mom was forced to drink from a vampire when she was pregnant with me and that transfusion has given me some pretty nifty powers. One particularly useful talent is I can hear vampires’ mind talk. I can eavesdrop on all of McGregor’s dirty little plans and stay a step ahead of him. My ace in the hole is I cannot be mesmerized and forced to do their bidding. This allows me to get up close and personal with my Mister Pointy. Another gift is the ability to read auras and sense any supernatural beings within a mile of me. Since vamps are pretty damned fast, it gives me enough time to get the hell out of Dodge.
My name is Ann Dragos but everyone calls me Bunny. I got stuck with this swell nickname because I look so cute and cuddly. Gag me. I might be cute but cuddly I am not. Nor am I as harmless as I look. I’ve slain over one hundred vampires not that I’ve gotten any credit for the kills. Oh no, that pleasure goes to Bambi, my ditzy vampire slayer who definitely lacks that killer instinct.
I’m Bambi’s Alfred. What’s an Alfred? Alfreds handle surveillance on the particular vamp that needs staking and supply the necessary weapons. Unfortunately, I do the majority of the whacking because my twit of a slayer is more concerned about making a fashion statement than killing monsters.
The Nasty Vamp just received 5 hearts from Marissa at Sizzling Hot books!
Marissa said: The Nasty Vamp is witty, snarky, exciting and fast paced! Everything a good book should be. Once I started reading The Nasty Vamp, I couldn’t put it down; I laughed out loud, a lot. The Nasty Vamp turns the “traditional” paranormal stories upside down. The Nasty Vamp makes fun of each type of paranormal more than it takes them seriously.
It was Friday the 13th but I wasn’t worried. I mean, everyone knows it’s a bunch of superstitious nonsense. C’mon, what was the worst that could happen? Fate, that sadistic bitch, laughed hysterically.
Still believing this was just another ordinary day I pulled into a 7-11 convenience market parking lot for a badly needed caffeine fix. There’s nothing scary about a 7-11, right? Did I mention this particular 7-11 was in a seedy part of town? One look at the graffiti decorating the walls and sidewalks should have discouraged me. But, oh no, I needed my fix.
The second I stepped out of my car a scrawny dude wearing a long black trench coat and carrying a really big stick sprinted towards me. OMG! I’m gonna die.
My heart pounding, I scurried inside and smiled at the nice armed security guard. This was my second clue that I hadn’t stopped at a “normal” store. I headed for the coolers and realized the scrawny dude had followed me. Practically glued to my back side, he gushed, “I just love your fingernail polish.”
Say what? I gave him a polite smile and power walked to the cash register. Unfortunately, he was still glued to my backside. “Seriously dude, you’re invading my space.” His response? “Where did you get that fabulous polish?”
Was this some kind of cosmic joke? “Uh, at JC Penney’s. Why?”
He giggled insanely. “Oh, I just have to get me some.”
“Okay, bye-bye.” I ran out to my car and locked the doors. Whoa! Talk about freaky weird.
A block down the street my tire warning light suddenly popped on. Thump. Thump. Thump. I pulled into the only remaining full service gas station left in area and yep. It’s flat and is that a spoon sticking out of my tire? The attendant nods. “Yes ma’am. That’s a spoon.” What are the odds of that happening?
Should I risk a trip to the supermarket? Damned straight I could. I wasn’t a wuss and I wouldn’t let a few freaky coincidences turn me into a superstitious coward.
I walked confidently into the store, got my shopping cart and strolled down the aisles. I checked my shopping list and reached for a quart of low fat milk. There was an ominous snapping noise as the front clasp on my bra broke and out popped the girls. Did I mention I’m well endowed? Too well endowed to ever go braless, plus my girls were starting to migrate south. Not a pretty sight.
Okay, the stock boy ogling my chest didn’t seem to be traumatized in the least. In fact he was downright enjoying the show. I shoved my cart at him, clamped my purse over the girls and fled the store. I admitted defeat.
For over thirty-one years I worked as a 9-1-1 dispatcher. The highlight of my day was when we caught bad guys but sometimes they made it way too easy. These felons are a few bricks short of a full load.
The proper disguise is essential: This not so bright female bank robber wore a bag over her head with eye holes cut neatly into the paper. Needless to say, she immediate draws attention when she walks into the bank. The spiffy pink bathrobe also made a nice fashion statement. Her getaway vehicle was an old RV incapable of doing more than fifty. She now resides in the local women’s correctional facility.
The dumb as a rock bank robber decides that dressing as a woman is the perfect disguise. Unfortunately, he forgot to shave and his equally hairy legs gave away his true sex. The enraged bank customers chase him down and apply a little street justice in the parking lot. The suspect was very happy to see the cops arrive.
Finding the perfect hiding place:
Our luckless bad guy breaks into an office building and panics when the police arrive. He makes the incredibly stupid decision that the refrigerator is the perfect hiding place. Ah, suffocation anyone? Not to mention the food stashed haphazardly on the counter was a dead giveaway. After a little oxygen, he gets a one way ticket to jail.
This dumb criminal decides hiding between the mattresses on his bed is the smart way to go. Okay, the dude was skinny but not that skinny. The officers promptly burst into laughter at the high riding mattress and cuff the idiot.
Cleanliness can lead to prison:
A woman comes home and finds her house has been burglarized. She hears noises in the bathroom and cautiously opens the door. To her stunned amazement, she finds the suspect neck deep in bubble bath. The offended felon yells, “Close the damn door, I’m taking a bath here.” The very clean burglar was promptly carted off to jail.
How NOT to date a cop:
A very attractive female officer was eating lunch at a fast food joint when the front window suddenly shatters. The officer sees a man running across the parking lot with an OMG expression on his face. A bit peeved that her lunch has been ruined, she chases him down and slaps the cuffs on. Our love stricken moron confesses that he thought she was really hot and just wanted to get her attention. He did.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. A pack of killer Chihuahuas is terrorizing the city. They make the bad mistake of attacking an officer escorting a teenage suspect home. The vicious mutts resist arrest and keep nipping the officer’s legs. After being thoroughly maced, they’re taken into custody by animal control.
Monkey see, monkey do:
An officer responds to a call of a loose monkey and sure enough he finds it. He manages to coax the frighten animal into the back seat of his patrol car. The dispatcher puts out a burglary in progress call a short distance away. The excited officer hits his lights and sirens and peels out. This upsets the monkey just a tad. By the time the officer drives three short blocks, he and the interior of his car are covered in monkey piss and poop.