Heather B. Armstrong's Blog

So let's be honest. When you're buying gifts for anyone under the age of, "Why does his thing look different than mine?" you're really just buying for the parents of that someone, either to make their lives easier or because they think it's cute. That infant someone couldn't give a shit. We're getting Marlo some paper towels, a set of keys, and an old remote control that she can destroy with slobber.

These are ideas for gifts I'd buy for friends with infants to say, hey, I know you're busy...

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I cannot help but sing "Firstarter" by Prodigy in my head when Chuck lingers for hours in front of the fireplace communing with God? The Universe? Bob Hope?

click image above to see the photo on dooce.com

by dooce in Daily Chuck

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for dooce.com as Fear addicted, danger illustrated. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

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A huge snowstorm thrashed the valley over the weekend, and it's that time of year again when thirty-two pairs of shoes fall into a giant pile right next to the front door. This doesn't stop the snow or the snow melter from drifting in and leaving huge stains all over the dark hardwood floors. I'm going to try to use this experience to reach down and achieve inner calm about the whole thing, but my outer calm can't stop mopping the floors ALL DAY LONG.

click image above to see the photo on...

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And finally, the last two installments of the gift guide for women. Or Chicks. Or friend with benefits. Or that person who fixes you toast. Whatever. We know you love us. Please don't get us a hard drive for Christmas.

1. NOEMIAH - Dylan - Feather and Chain Necklace $55

2. Circle Pop-Out Earrings in red $29.99

3. Flower Rings - Set of 3 - Opaque Yellow $20

4. Chivas Starter Kit $38

1. Freedom Lariat $26

2. Coffee Cuff $68 CAD

3. Alima Nourishing Lipbalm $4.75

4. Gold and Black Hand Beaded Leaf...

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HOLY CHICKEN MARSHMALLOW BALLS. This was an answer on "Jeopardy!" last night. I am still in a daze after rewinding this segment about four hundred times just to make sure that I was indeed seeing what I was seeing. Aside from that, it looks like the HD portion of KJZZ HD is a bit misleading, don't you think? If not, then I really do need to see an optometrist.

click image above to see the photo on dooce.com

by dooce in Daily Photo

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally...

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There's this really lovely checker at our grocery store, an older man who has to take his time as he rings up every item in the cart, and by that I mean I once walked through his line with a magazine, a pack of gum, and a gallon of milk and by the time he handed me my receipt I was hunched over with osteoporosis.

I'm sorry, is that mean? Is making fun of calcium deficiencies off-limits now? I'm asking only because I just had the thought that someone might lecture me about how IT'S NOT JUST A C...

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I don't know, that's just the name that popped into my head when I saw him like this. And I keep expecting him to bark with a thick New Jersey accent.

click image above to see the photo on dooce.com

by dooce in Daily Chuck

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for dooce.com as Morley!. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

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by dooce in Marlo, Nubbin, Video

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for dooce.com as Giggles!. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

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This is the second installment of my gift guide for people who are shopping for looney loon loonballs like myself, all from shops that carry such cool stuff that if an item is sold out you can pretty much just browse everything else there and I'd want that, too. I was going to limit my entire gift guide to 20 items TOPS, but as you can see that didn't work out. I mean, there are two more installments coming. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a store that carried a life-size replica of Zac Efron ...

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SHHHHH! Don't tell Jon, but I just put that pair of underwear back in his drawer.

click image above to see the photo on dooce.com

by dooce in Daily Chuck

© Armstrong Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Originally
published by Heather B. Armstrong for dooce.com as This is what happens when Dad leaves for four days. This post
cannot be republished without express written permission.

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