quotes by W.C. Fields
(showing 1-36 of 36)
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her. "
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill?
Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it."
— W.C. Fields
Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it."
— W.C. Fields
"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. "
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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— W.C. Fields
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— W.C. Fields
"There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender."
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive."
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!""
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
— W.C. Fields
— W.C. Fields
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake."
— W.C. Fields (W. C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography)
— W.C. Fields (W. C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography)
tags:
humor
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