Carl Hiaasen Carl Hiaasen > Quotes


Carl Hiaasen quotes (showing 1-30 of 61)

“Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.”
Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl
“Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I'd be doing a hundred and twenty.”
Carl Hiaasen, Strip Tease
“Sometimes you're going to be faced with situations where the line isn't clear between what's right and what's wrong.Your heart will tell you to do one thing and your brain will tell you to do something different. In the end, all that's left is to look at both sides and go with your best judgment.”
Carl Hiaasen, Hoot
“Roy remembered the time he and his father had a talk about fighting. 'It's important to stand up for what's right,' Mr. Eberhardt had said, 'but sometimes there's a fine line between courage and stupidity.”
Carl Hiaasen, Hoot
“Mickey Cray had been out of work ever since a dead iguana fell from a palm tree and hit him on the head.”
Carl Hiaasen, Chomp
“Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.”
Carl Hiaasen, Chomp
“I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.”
Carl Hiaasen
“as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game stayed the same: It was always about favors and friends, and who controlled the dough. Party labels were merely a way to keep track of the teams; issues were mostly smoke and vaudeville. Nobody believed in anything except hanging on to power, whatever it took. .....”
Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy
“The evening news made her wonder if God was dead; the morning sun made her believe He wasn't.”
Carl Hiaasen
“and in the meantime don't jump to conclusions.”
Carl Hiaasen, Flush
“Mrs. Bonneville never buckled her seat belt, even though it was required by state law; an ardent libertarian, she opposed government meddling in all matters of personal choice.”
Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl
“...Right now there's a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me."
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, you're right," Stranahan said. "They're probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.”
Carl Hiaasen, Sick Puppy
“Disney world is an armpit,compared to Montana!!”
Carl Hiaasen, Hoot
tags: roy
“That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you.”
Carl Hiaasen
“A quick puke, two rails of blow and she was solid.”
Carl Hiaasen, Star Island
tags: humor
“Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can't stand a little silence.”
Carl Hiaasen
“Jimmy Lee Baylis was a wise man, and knew better than to talk back to the man who signed his paycheck.”
Carl Hiaasen, Scat
“Please don't grow up to be one of those men who lie for the sport of it, and most men do. That's a fact. That's why the world is so messed up, Noah. That's why history books are full of so much heartache, and tragedy. Politicians, dictators, kings, phoney-baloney preachers-most of 'em are men, and most of 'em lie like rugs”
Carl Hiaasen, Flush
tags: liar, lie, men
“From the pancake house I drive directly to the county morgue. The contrast is not especially striking.”
Carl Hiaasen
“Nobody said he was Alvin Einstein.”
Carl Hiaasen, Bad Monkey
“My father's a large man, very strong, but he says fighting is for people who can't win with their brains. He also says there are times when you've got no choice but to defend yourself from common morons.”
Carl Hiaasen
“But Erin let it slide. The child was only four years old; she had a whole lifetime to learn about sadness. Today was for Dalmatians, ice cream and new dolls.”
Carl Hiaasen, Strip Tease
“Shreave flicked away the dead mosquito. "Don't these things carry the bird flu too?"
"No Boyd, that would be a bird.”
Carl Hiaasen
“Remember what happened last time with the 'cuda.”
Carl Hiaasen
“Love this description of minor character, Lou Zicutto: "Lou was branch claims manager of the mammoth insurance company where Decker worked part-time as an investigator. Lou was a spindly little twit, maybe a hundred twenty pounds, but he had a huge florid head, which he shaved every day. As a result he looked very much like a Tootsie Pop with lips.”
Carl Hiaasen
“In his own mind, it was never a matter of courage. But courage it was.”
Carl Hiaasen, Chomp
“That's what people do when they find a special place that wild and full of life, they trample it to death.”
Carl Hiaasen, Flush
“From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?"
"First I need a virgin.”
Carl Hiaasen, Nature Girl
“From the pocket of her windbreaker he extracted what he falsely believed to be a portable marine radio, which along with two granola bars he'd pilfered from Honey's belongings after she was snatched by the club-handed lunatic. Shreave started pressing buttons on the compact gadget and barking, "Mayday! Mayday!

There was no response from the Coast Guard pilot or any other human, and for a good reason. Except for its LED screen, the instrument in Shreave's possession was electronically dissimilar to a radio in all significant respects. Most crucial was the absence of either an audio receiver or a transmitter.

"SOS! SOS!" he persisted. "Help!"

The device was in fact a mobile GPS unit, as technogically impenetrable to Shreave as the Taser gun he'd found beneath Honey's bed.”
Carl Hiaasen
“If anything is more irresistible than Jesus, it's Mickey.”
Carl Hiaasen, Team Rodent

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