James Finn Garner > Quotes

“The wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid, worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way.”
― James Finn Garner, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: A Collection of Modern Tales for Our Life and Times

“He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself.”
― James Finn Garner

“The emperor is naked!"
The parade stopped. The emperor paused. A hush fell over the crowd, until one quick-thinking peasant shouted:
"No, he isn't. The emperor is merely endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle!”
― James Finn Garner

“Alas, if worth be based on beauty,
Snow White has surpassed you, cutie.”
― James Finn Garner, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories: A Collection of Modern Tales for Our Life and Times

“While the archetype of the tinker is generally the whipping person in classical bedtimes stories, this particular individual was a tinker by trade and just happened to be economically disadvantaged.”
― James Finn Garner