Marian Keyes > Quotes

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“It was ironic, really - you want to die because you can't be bothered to go on living - but then you're expected to get all energetic and move furniture and stand on chairs and hoist ropes and do complicated knots and attach things to other things and kick stools from under you and mess around with hot baths and razor blades and extension cords and electrical appliances and weedkiller. Suicide was a complicated, demanding business, often involving visits to hardware shops.

And if you've managed to drag yourself from the bed and go down the road to the garden center or the drug store, by then the worst is over. At that point you might as well just go to work.”
― Marian Keyes, Lucy Sullivan Is Getting Married

“why can't we love the right people? what is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? we are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs.”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“What doesn't kill us makes us funnier.”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“I had spent my whole life feeling homesick. The only difference between the two of us was that I didn't know what or where home was.”
― Marian Keyes, Lucy Sullivan Is Getting Married

“I never wear flats. My shoes are so high that sometimes when I step out of them, people look around in confusion and ask, "Where'd she go?" and I have to say, "I'm down here.”
― Marian Keyes

“I couldn’t be with people and I didn’t want to be alone. Suddenly my perspective whooshed and I was far out in space, watching the world. I could see millions and millions of people, all slotted into their lives; then I could see me—I’d lost my place in the universe. It had closed up and there was nowhere for me to be. I was more lost than I had known it was possible for any human being to be.”
― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“You will go on and meet someone else and I'll just be a chapter in your tale, but for me, you were, you are and you always will be, the whole story.”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“Feathery Stokers - There is no definitive list but here are some examples. Men who didn’t eat red meat were Feathery Strokers. Men who used postshave balm instead of slapping stinging aftershave onto their tender skin were Feathery Strokers. Men who noticed your shoes and handbags were Feathery Strokers. (Or Jolly Boys.) Men who said pornography was exploitation of women were Feathery Strokers. (Or liars.) Men who said pornography was exploitation of men as much as women were of the scale. All straight men from San Francisco were Feather Strokers. All academics with beards were Feathery Stokers. Men who stayed friends with their ex-girlfriends were Feathery Strokers. Especially if they called them their “ex-partner.” Men who did Pilates were Feathery Strokers. Men who said, “I have to take care of myself right now” were screaming Feathery Strokers. (Even I’d go along with that.) ~Jacqui”
― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“The feel of them (books) and the smell of them. A bookshop was like an Aladdin's cave for me. Entire worlds and lives can be found just behind that glossy cover. All you had to do was look." Claire (Watermelon)”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“You know what it's like. Sometimes, you meet a wonderful person, but it's only for a brief instant. Maybe on vacation or on a train or maybe even in a bus line. And they touch your life for a moment, but in a special way. And instead of mourning because they can't be with you for longer, or because you don't get the chance to know them better, isn't it better to be glad that you met them at all?”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“Love is blind, there was no doubt about it. In Tara's case it was also deaf, dumb, dyslexic, had a bad hip and the beginnings of Alzheimer's”
― Marian Keyes, Last Chance Saloon

“How to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“When God closes one door, He slams another in your face”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“Relationship gurus always said that an attraction based on friendship and mutual respect was far more likely to stay the course - and the bastards were right.”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“Chick Lit uses humor to reflect life back to us. It's a very comforting genre, and it's the first time our generation has had a voice. It's a very important genre for all of those reasons.”
― Marian Keyes

“when happiness makes a guest appearance in one's life,it's important to make the most of it.It may not stay around for long and when it has gone wouldn't it be terrible to think that all the time one could have been happy was wasted worrying when the happiness would be taken away.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“Show me a person who doesn't have a past and I'll show you a boring bastard”
― Marian Keyes, Last Chance Saloon

“I rang my mother to thank her for giving birth to me and she said, "What choice had I? You were in there, how else were you going to get out?”
― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“God! I hated this business of being grown-up. I hated having to make decisions where I didn't know what was behind the door. I wanted a world where heroes and villains were clearly labeled. Where ominous music comes on-screen so you can't possibly mistake him. Where someone asks you to choose between playing with the beautiful princess in the fragrant garden and being eaten by the hideous monster in the foul-smelling pit. Not exactly a difficult one, now is it? Not something that you would agonize over, or that would make you lose a night's sleep?”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“when we’re in emotional pain, we think it’s a mistake, something that needs to be remedied. ‘We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again. It’s just like that.”
― Marian Keyes

“smarter than me. But here's the thing my life did get better. I made a decision to let go of my dreams, because they were killing me, and I stopped asking the impossible of myself. I changed my attitude and decided to focus on what I had rather than what i didn't have.”
― Marian Keyes, Angels

“I'd rather eat nothing than eat a carrot.”
― Marian Keyes, Lucy Sullivan Is Getting Married

“They say the path of true love never runs smooth. Well, Luke and my true love's path didn't run at all, it limped along in new boots that were chafing its heels. Blistered and cut, red and raw, every hopping, lopsided step, a little slice of agony.”
― Marian Keyes, Rachel's Holiday

“Nothing sinister. Just getting exercise. Although some might consider that sinister.”
― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“I knew it, I just knew it! The person who had the job of writing my life's dialogue used to work on a very low budget soap opera.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“Her world had shrunk - no matter who she was with, she'd prefer to be with him. That's what happened when you fell in love - you only want to see them.”
― Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

“You've recognised a fundamental feature of an addict's life. Maintaining your habit is so important you've no real interest in anything else.”
― Marian Keyes, Rachel's Holiday

“I'm trying..." How could I put it? "I'm trying to get far enough down the line so that I can remember." I stopped, then continued: "so that I can remember without the pain killing me"

And the days were stacking up. And weeks. And months. It was now almost the middle of June and he'd died in February, but I still felt like I'd just woken from a horrible dream, that I was suspended in that stunned, paralyzed state between sleep and reality where I was grasping for, but couldn't get a handle on normality.”
― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted makeup.
Forget the laughs, forget the fights, forget the sex, forget the jealousy. But take off your hat and observe a moment's silence for the legions of unknown tubes of foundation, mascara, eyeliner, blusher and lipstick who died that it might all have been possible. But who died in vain.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“Political correctness is a minefield”
― Marian Keyes, Angels

“In an unpredictable and unpleasant world it was both unusual and very pleasant to hear what I wanted to hear.”
― Marian Keyes, Lucy Sullivan Is Getting Married

“Minsk! How pissed-off that sounded! It was great. You could scare the bejayzus out of someone if you said it right.”
― Marian Keyes, The Brightest Star in the Sky

“I sighed. "What is life but fleeting moments of happiness strung together on necklace of despair?”
― Marian Keyes, This Charming Man

“So I'm back again to the eternal question, the one that has plagued me all my life: How Do Other People Do It? How come they were given life's rule book and I missed out? Where was I when God was dispensing capability and cop on? Looking at shoes, probably.”
― Marian Keyes, Further Under the Duvet

“I suppose I wanted to have my cake and eat it.
But then again, what were you going to do with your cake if not eat it?
Frame it?
Use it as a sachet in your underwear drawer?”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“Besides, I'd seen a really nice pair of shoes yesterday in the mall and I wanted them for my own. I can't describe the feeling of immediate familiarity that rushed between us. The moment I clapped eyes on them I felt like I already owned them. I could only suppose that we were together in a former life. That they were my shoes when I was a serving maid in medieval Britain or when I was a princess in ancient Egypt. Or perhaps they were the princess and I was the shoes. Who's to know? Either way I knew that we were meant to be together.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“One day we'll all be dead, and none of this will matter"

-The Brightest Star in the Sky.”
― Marian Keyes

“... I am more of an ambler. I once overheard my old boss in Dublin describe me as very "hello trees, hello flowers." It was intended as an insult and it fulfilled its brief; I was insulted. I had little interest in greeting trees and flowers but nor did I treat life as a treadmill, on which it was vital to keep fleeing forward in order to avoid being sucked off the back and out of the game.”
― Marian Keyes

“...as you know, I don't believe in fear, just an invention by men so they get all the money and good jobs...”
― Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“Nkechi never tried to hide her bottom. She was proud of it. Fascinating to me. Irish girls' lives were a constant quest for bottom-disguising or bottom-reducing clothing tactics. We can learn much from other cultures. ”
― Marian Keyes

“The back windows looked out over the fields, then the Atlantic, maybe a hundred yards away. Actually, I'm just making that bit up. I had no idea how far away the sea was. Only men could do things like that. "Half a mile." "Fifty yards." Giving directions, that sort of thing. I could look at a woman and say "Thirty-six C." Or "Let's try it in the next size up." But I had no idea how far away Tim's sea was except that I wouldn't want to walk to it in high heels.”
― Marian Keyes

“Hen nights should be banned. You're honour-bound to behave atrociously, then feel terribly ashamed afterwards.

(This Charming Man)”
― Marian Keyes

“You have a magnificent moustache. You must be very proud of it.”
― Marian Keyes, The Brightest Star in the Sky

“I am different when my nails are done. I am more dynamic. I gesticulate more, I am better at scaring my staff. I can indicate impatience by drumming on tabletops and I can wrap up a meeting with a few choice clatters.”
― Marian Keyes

“Rough as a badger's arse”
― Marian Keyes

“Temporary Insanity had come a-knocking and I had shouted "Come on in the door is open." Luckily, Reality had come unexpectedly and found Temporary Insanity roaming the corridors of my mind unchecked, going into rooms, opening cupboards, reading my letters, looking in my underwear drawer, that kind of thing. Reality had run and got Sanity. And after a tussle, they both had managed to throw out Temporary Insanity and slam the door in his face. Temporary Insanity now lay on the gravel in the driveway of my mind, panting and furious, shouting, "She invited me in, you know. She asked me in. She wanted me there.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“I wished there was some kind of switch on my brain. That I could turn it off in the same way that I could turn off the television. Just click it off and immediately empty my mind of all these images and worrying thoughts. And simply leave a blank screen. Or if I could just remove my head and put it on the bedside table and forget about it until morning. And then attach it again when I needed it.”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon

“No more humiliation for me, thanks very much. No more swallowing my anger. Honestly, I couldn't manage another mouthful. But it was delicious. Did you make it yourself?”
― Marian Keyes, Watermelon