Joe R. Lansdale > Quotes

“All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand!


”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“ A day without the sun is like you know, night


”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“Hallowed be thy name, oh Lord -- and shotgun do your stuff”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“Let me tell you, if you have never seen an agitated squirrel you have seen very little, nor have you heard much, because the sound of an angry squirrel is not to be forgotten.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Bad Chili

“They might have been all-right people doing the best they could, but I got to tell you, you got a dead cat lying in your yard you ought to bury it. That’s my motto.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Devil Red

“Skittles: the fun,colorful candy to eat, but even funner to throw at old people.
=]

(yes I know funner isn't a word)”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“Only our memories allow that some people ever existed. That they mattered, or mattered too much.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, The Bottoms

“You need to read some Agatha Christie, man.

Why? Am I being punished?”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Bad Chili

“It's over with, " Raul said, " You did all you could. You've got this tough-guy image. It's out of date. We fags, we don't have to do that. It's not in our makeup."

"What's in my makeup is in my makeup," Leonard said. "I'm a man. I got balls. So do you. I like balls. I like your balls, but I'm still a man and I got to feel like a man. Maybe I'm some kind of anomaly or something. I don't know. I don't get it. But I like a man acts like a man without thinking it's being a bully. I can't explain it him, Hap. Can you?”
― Joe R. Lansdale, The Two-Bear Mambo

“Don't try to skin your rabbit and keep it as a pet too.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, The Two-Bear Mambo

“I thanked him and he asked me if my cape got caught on stuff when I was runnig and jumping, and I said, "Sometimes.”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“It was the kind of talk that made me want to break off a limb and take to whacking her and that bunch of hypocrites across the back of the head.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Edge of Dark Water

“I get the whole lost-your-parents thing. Been there. But that don’t have to turn you stupid. That’s a choice, like wearing green stretch pants.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Hyenas

“I got something to say to you, big shot."

"Say it, then," I said, "while I'm used to the drone of your voice. I'd rather not get acclimated again.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Savage Season

“E non mi venne in mente che anche il più rapace degli uccelli, il laniere, è capace di cantare.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Savage Season

“If this saying did not exist, somebody would have invented it.
”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“I thought I had the world by the tail. It took me a few years to realize the closest I was to having the world by the tail was being a dingle berry on one of its ass hairs.”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“Far as I knew, closest she'd gotten to art was a drafting table and dressing mannequins in store windows, and the closest I'd gotten to saving the world was my name on some petitions, for everything from recycling aluminum cans to saving the whales. I put my cans in the trash now, and I didn't know how the whales we're doing.”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Savage Season

“The sun, like a boil on the bright blue ass of day, rolled gradually forward and spread its legs wide to reveal the pubic thatch of night, a hairy darkness in which stars crawled like lice, and the moon crabbed slowly upward like an albino dog tick striving for the anal gulch.”
― Joe R. Lansdale

“Faccio solo finta di essere sfacciata. In realtà me la faccio addosso dalla paura. Questa cena fuori mi rende confusa. Non so se voglio davvero una storia lunga, o solo una scopata veloce. E tu?”
― Joe R. Lansdale, Bad Chili