"I love you like a fat kid loves cake!"
— Scott Adams

"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway."
— Scott Adams

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
— Scott Adams

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant."
— Scott Adams

"Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto "
— Scott Adams

"The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it."
— Scott Adams

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? "
— Scott Adams

"Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt."
— Scott Adams

"I get mail; therefore I am."
— Scott Adams

"The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find
someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is
futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone
who is capable of significant change; that sort of person
exists only in our imaginations."
— Scott Adams (God's Debris: A Thought Experiment)

"The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th."
— Scott Adams

"When did ignorance become a point of view?"
— Scott Adams

"The best things in life are silly."
— Scott Adams

"The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to
think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy.
- Wally's Keynote Speech
"
— Scott Adams

"I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
- Dilbert"
— Scott Adams

"Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there"
— Scott Adams

"If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy."
— Scott Adams

"There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color."
— Scott Adams (Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland)

"If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts."
— Scott Adams (Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel)

"Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve. "
— Scott Adams (Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland)

"Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster."
— Scott Adams (Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland)

"I should have written that down.
- Dilbert"
— Scott Adams

"What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it
means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re
doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt
from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the
world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes.
The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our
brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable
to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe
we have no idea how to behave."
— Scott Adams (God's Debris: A Thought Experiment)

"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
— Scott Adams

"Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately."
— Scott Adams

"Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you."
— Scott Adams (Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland)

"When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater."
— Scott Adams

"Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night."
— Scott Adams

"The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong."
— Scott Adams (Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland)

"The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol."
— Scott Adams (Dilbert's Guide to the Rest of Your Life: Dispatches from Cubicleland)

"Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily avialable, they will create their own problems."
— Scott Adams

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake!"
— Scott Adams

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat."
— Scott Adams

"You can change only what people know, not what they do."
— Scott Adams (God's Debris: A Thought Experiment)

"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational
things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the
principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

"
— Scott Adams

""Es gibt zwei Arten von Menschen: intelligente und attraktive Leute wie Sie [...] und die sechs Milliarden Idioten, die uns im Weg herumstehen.""
— Scott Adams (Dilbert Future/Dilbert Principle)

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
"
— Scott Adams

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
— Scott Adams

"Dance like it hurts,
Love like you need money,
Work when people are watching.
"
— Scott Adams

"If you’re going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don’t win, you’re usually no worse off than if you hadn’t played."
— Scott Adams

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep."
— Scott Adams

"The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh."
— Scott Adams (God's Debris: A Thought Experiment)

"Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness."
— Scott Adams (God's Debris: A Thought Experiment)

"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. "
— Scott Adams