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Tony James Slater quotes (showing 1-27 of 27)

“Please don't follow in my footsteps. I'm already knee-deep in them, and am sinking rapidly...”
Tony James Slater
“And then came the three-toed sloth. Stupid sloth. It was a crazy-looking beastie, all arms and bristling grey fur; its body was a blob, the kind of shape a six-year-old would draw for a pig, and its face was flattened like a racoon that had run full tilt into a brick wall. A triangular stub of a nose jutted out at an angle beneath a fringe that must have been difficult to see through. In fact, from side-on it looked disturbingly like John Lennon.”
Tony James Slater, That Bear Ate My Pants!
“that holy grail of tourism: a photograph without half-a-dozen people in flip-flops and Hawaiian shirts in the background.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“I’ve read books where someone is described as a ‘bear of a man’. I always picture an excessively hairy, thick-bearded fella dressed in a full-length pelt like a Viking.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“5:30am is a fairly magical time the world over; almost everything is quiet, like the calm before the storm; nothing seems the same, caught in the half-light of dawn, and devoid of the chaos normally associated with the waking world. But I’ve seen all that shit. And I’d still rather be in bed.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“Strange, isn’t it, how such small events in your past can make a big difference in your future?”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“giving me that look that means ‘please stop talking’. She uses that look a lot. But it works. Sometimes.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“every country has pest animals – but it’s not often that they’re bigger than we are. Or that they outnumber us – thirty-four million roos, against the twenty-three million-strong population of Australia.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“Australians suffer from a pathological inability to use complete naming-words, and must shorten everything and add an ‘o’ on the end. Don’t ask – it’s the law.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“Bali is to Australians what Ibiza is to twelve blokes from Blackpool on a stag do – one long, rowdy, epically-cheap piss-up.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“You know you’ve been travelling with someone for too long when you can read their “OH SHIT!” body language even though you’re sitting behind them. Gill’s head and neck went suddenly stiff, which can’t have been healthy, given the terrain we were bouncing over. “But…” her mental gears were spinning so frantically I could almost smell them burning. “But… Lauren… you’re not American, are you?” “I SURE AM!” Lauren sounded a little indignant, but that was all. “Oh!” said Gill, “Sorry! We all thought you were Canadian!” And somehow, unbelievably, she’d pulled it off.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“Any fan of Douglas Adams can tell you, when setting off on an adventure such as this, you must always know where your towel is.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“sneaking into our room when we were out, to go through our bins before we emptied them. She’d leave the evidence next to my pillow, with little Post-it notes saying, “Hi! Just popped in to check on something, and found these in your bin. Don’t forget to recycle!” It wasn’t a horse’s head, but it was pretty fucking close.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“I must have been a very naughty boy in a previous life to end up with two left feet and the grace of a dead hippopotamus.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“banns’. This is a weird English custom dating back to the twelfth century, where couples have to give official notice of their intention to marry several weeks in advance – presumably giving time for anyone to come forward if they know the bride and groom are secretly related.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“Within the weird, messed-up time stream that is a day-long international flight, there’s time to go through the whole process of getting drunk, feeling like shit, being violently ill, sleeping it off and waking up hung-over – at least three times in quick succession.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“gnomic”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“Does anyone know where the hell Old Zealand is? Well, unless it’s amazing, the New version is way better. Okay, I just found out: it’s in Holland.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“New shoes seem like a miracle cure for anything that’s ailing a woman.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“I often wonder about this sort of thing. You’re running a jet full of 500 passengers. Do you pack 250 chicken and 250 squid medley? Really? Or do you think, ‘Hm, more people seemed to opt for the chicken and rice, rather than the fish tentacles in slime. In fact, this has been the case on every flight for the last ten years. Maybe this time I’ll take more chicken and less octopus…’ Obviously, that thought process has never taken place.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“When I was fourteen, I was still convinced I could be a ninja when I grew up. To be honest, I still am.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“the stoicism of a generation that had survived the Second World War, and the practicality of outlook that went with it.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“Safety standards in Bali weren’t quite the same as those in the western world, something I’m usually quite excited about.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“You can’t even bring crossbows into Australia. Something to do with them being made of untreated wood. They confiscate the bloody things at the airport. The bastards!”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“often tell me how lucky I am, to live in a country where cheap flights to dozens of exciting destinations are so readily available. They never understand why England doesn’t completely empty into Prague or Budapest every weekend. What they don’t appreciate is that to take advantage of these cheap flights, one must generally get to London; and that getting to London, from almost anywhere else in the country, is either dramatically more expensive, or considerably less pleasant, than the flights in question. Usually both.”
Tony James Slater, Can I Kiss Her Yet?: A True Tale of Love, Marriage... and Camels
“Thailand is a very difficult country to leave, you see, and diving there is a whole load of fun. Still, it’s not renown as a quick path to riches – and anyway, I was rubbish at it.”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty
“Thank God that bloke has shoes,” they were saying to themselves, “judging by the state of what’s hanging out of his jeans! Now if only he could afford some underwear…”
Tony James Slater, Kamikaze Kangaroos!: A trip around Oz in a van called Rusty


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