quotes by Groucho Marx

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. "
— Groucho Marx

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it."
— Groucho Marx

"Humor is reason gone mad."
— Groucho Marx

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
— Groucho Marx

"I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
— Groucho Marx

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others."
— Groucho Marx

"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know. "
— Groucho Marx

"I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"."
— Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me)

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
— Groucho Marx

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
— Groucho Marx

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
— Groucho Marx

"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."
— Groucho Marx

"I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that."
— Groucho Marx

"The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar."
— Groucho Marx

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."
— Groucho Marx

"Room service? Send up a larger room."
— Groucho Marx

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
— Groucho Marx

"I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks."
— Groucho Marx