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Jarod Kintz quotes (showing 61-90 of 10,838)

“She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“I’ve always felt that the best place to hide a body is in the trunk of a cop car, with a note affixed to the body that reads, “I’m sorry.”
Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.”
Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
“Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book Title is Invisible
“Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.”
Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
“I want to protect innocent people from sin by locking them in cages, where the evil can't get to them.”
Jarod Kintz, There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.”
Jarod Kintz, I Want
“I’m not a very good sleeper. But you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.”
Jarod Kintz, Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You
“If love had feathers and tasted like dog food, then I suggest you wear shoes with your banana pudding. (This statement also defines my political beliefs).”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself.”
Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks
“Love is a circular emotion that surrounds you, like a hug. Or a noose.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.
“If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now." But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“Sometimes I ask myself, "Do I have the courage to do the right thing when it matters most?" And that answer, I'm afraid, is silence.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark's teeth. Locating them wasn't really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was.”
Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
“You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“To Do Today, 1/17/08
1. Sit and think
2. Reach enlightenment
3. Feed the cats”
Jarod Kintz, I Should Have Renamed This
“The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt.”
Jarod Kintz
“The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.”
Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life
“Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.”
Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale
“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They're Over.
“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.”
Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.
“I am the broth of love. Make soup to me.”
Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.


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