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Alan Goldsher quotes (showing 1-9 of 9)

“I said to him, "State your business, mortal!" There was no need for me to call him "mortal" or to speak like a sixteenth-century knight. It just sounded cool.”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“George Harrison: The day after the Blue Angel audition, John showed up to rehearsal with a long list of name suggestions, and I remember each and every one of them: the Deads-men, the Deadmen, the Undeads-men, the Undeadmen, the Rots, the Rotters, the Dirts, the Dirty Ones, the Grayboys, the Eaten Brains, the Eating Brains, the Mersey Beaters, the Mersey Beaten, the Bloodless, the Graves, the Headstones, and the Liverpools of Blood. Paul ripped off John's right arm and used it to slap John across the face, then he said, "Those're horrible, mate, just horrible, y'know.”
Alan Goldsher
“George had taken off all ten of his fingers and tied them into a bundle with what appeared to be either his own small intestines, or a guitar string; as I walked into the room, he lovingly placed the bundle on his head.”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“Then he said in his most excellent Mick impression, "Your powers are useless against Ninja Lords, O great zombie hunter! Surrender or feel the sting of the shuriken!”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“George Harrison: Paul transformed me in my bedroom, and it was awkward, to say the least. It was like being on a blind date, complete with stilted conversation and elliptical innuendo. He said, "So." Then I said, "So." Then he said, "So." Then I said, "So." That went on for, I dunno, five minutes or something.”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“Before John could even get through the first verse, who bursts through the door and jumps right into the fray, lips a'kissin' and hips a'wigglin'? That's right, kids, everbody's favorite zombie hunter. Mick Jagger strode right up to John, raised his arms to the sky, and said, 'O zombie Lennon! It ends here.”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“John Lennon: The only reason I didn't torture Dick Rowe was because Paul asked me not to. And when Paulie gives you those sad puppy-dog eyes, well, it's hard to refuse him...and it has nothing to do with hypnosis. There's a reason people call him the Cute fookin' Beatle.”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“After John gave his little speech to the orchestra, he turned to Paulie and said, "What do you think, mate? Are you with me or not." Paul said, "Not. You're on your own." John said, "No, I'm not on my own. You're with me. I was being rhetorical. It wasn't a question." Paul said, "Yes, it was. You said, 'Are you with me or not?' You started your sentence with the word 'are'. By definition, any sentence with the word 'are' at the beginning of it is a question." John said, "That's not necessarily true. I didn't upturn my voice, and if there's no upturn, there's no question.”
Alan Goldsher, Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion
“Who's Stephenie Meyer? And why does she spell Stephanie as Stephenie?”
Alan Goldsher, My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires


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Alan Goldsher
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Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion Paul Is Undead
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My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires My Favorite Fangs
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Modest Mouse: A Pretty Good Read Modest Mouse
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Hard Bop Academy: The Sidemen of Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers Hard Bop Academy
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