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Chuck Klosterman quotes (showing 1-30 of 214)

“Art and love are the same thing: It’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“Anybody who says they are a good liar obviously is not, because any legitimately savvy liar would always insist they're honest about everything.”
Chuck Klosterman
“Life is rarely about what happened; it's mostly about what we think happened.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living. And someone needs to take the fall for this. So instead of blaming no one for this (which is kind of cowardly) or blaming everyone (which is kind of meaningless), I'm going to blame John Cusack.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they’d never admit in normal conversation.”
Chuck Klosterman
“I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“It is important to have questionable friends you can trust unconditionally.”
Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl
“You used to be able to tell the difference between hipsters and homeless people. Now, it's between hipsters and retards. I mean, either that guy in the corner in orange safety pants holding a protest sign and wearing a top hat is mentally disabled or he is the coolest fucking guy you will ever know.”
Chuck Klosterman
“I love the way music inside a car makes you feel invisible; if you plan the stereo at max volume, it's almost like the other people can't see into your vehicle. It tints your windows, somehow.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“Important things are inevitably cliche, but nobody wants to admit that.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“Being interesting has been replaced by being identifiable.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“Though I obviously have no proof of this, the one aspect of life that seems clear to me is that good people do whatever they believe is the right thing to do. Being virtuous is hard, not easy. The idea of doing good things simply because you're good seems like a zero-sum game; I'm not even sure those actions would still qualify as 'good,' since they'd merely be a function of normal behavior. Regardless of what kind of god you believe in--a loving god, a vengeful god, a capricious god, a snooty beret-wearing French god, or whatever--one has to assume that you can't be penalized for doing the things you believe to be truly righteous and just. Certainly, this creates some pretty glaring problems: Hitler may have thought he was serving God. Stalin may have thought he was serving God (or something vaguely similar). I'm certain Osama bin Laden was positive he was serving God. It's not hard to fathom that all of those maniacs were certain that what they were doing was right. Meanwhile, I constantly do things that I know are wrong; they're not on the same scale as incinerating Jews or blowing up skyscrapers, but my motivations might be worse. I have looked directly into the eyes of a woman I loved and told her lies for no reason, except that those lies would allow me to continue having sex with another woman I cared about less. This act did not kill 20 million Russian peasants, but it might be more 'diabolical' in a literal sense. If I died and found out I was going to hell and Stalin was in heaven, I would note the irony, but I couldn't complain. I don't make the fucking rules.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average; males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.”
Chuck Klosterman, Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas
“Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“It was the kind of love you can only feel toward someone you don't actually know.”
Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl
“If I knew I was going to die at a specific moment in the future, it would be nice to be able to control what song I was listening to; this is why I always bring my iPod on airplanes.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“Every one of Joel's important songs--including the happy ones--are ultimately about loneliness. And it's not 'clever lonely' (like Morrissey) or 'interesting lonely' (like Radiohead); it's 'lonely lonely,' like the way it feels when you're being hugged by someone and it somehow makes you sadder.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“In and of itself, nothing really matters. What matters is that nothing is ever in and of itself.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto
“It feels so exhausting to be so bad at something I loved so much.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“Gay marriage should be legalized in america because gay men are the only men who want to be married.”
Chuck Klosterman
“It's far easier to write why something is terrible than why it's good. If you're reviewing a film and you decide "This is a movie I don't like," basically you can take every element of the film and find the obvious flaw, or argue that it seems ridiculous, or like a parody of itself, or that it's not as good as something similar that was done in a previous film. What's hard to do is describe why you like something. Because ultimately, the reason things move people is very amorphous. You can be cerebral about things you hate, but most of the things you like tend to be very emotive.”
Chuck Klosterman
“What is going to happen in the course of my day that will be an improvement over lying on something very soft, underneath something very warm, wearing only underwear, doing absolutely nothing, all by myself?”
Chuck Klosterman, Downtown Owl
“The only people who can ever put ideas into context are people who don't care; the unbiased and apathetic are usually the wisest dudes in the room. If you want to totally misunderstand why something is supposedly important, find the biggest fan of that particular thing and ask him for an explanation. He will tell you everything that doesn't matter to anyone who isn't him. He will describe paradoxical details and share deeply personal anecdotes, and it will all be autobiography; he will simply be explaining who he is by discussing something completely unrelated to his life.”
Chuck Klosterman
“I honestly believe that people of my generation despise authenticity, mostly because they're all so envious of it.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“When you start thinking about what your life was like 10 years ago--and not in general terms, but in highly specific detail--it's disturbing to realize how certain elements of your being are completely dead. They die long before you do. It's astonishing to consider all the things from your past that used to happen all the time but (a) never happen anymore, and (b) never even cross your mind. It's almost like those things didn't happen. Or maybe it seems like they just happened to someone else. To someone you don't really know. To someone you just hung out with for one night, and now you can't even remember her name.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story
“If rain is God crying, I think God is drunk and his girlfriend just slept with Zeus.”
Chuck Klosterman, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story

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