Yahtzee Croshaw Yahtzee Croshaw > Quotes


Yahtzee Croshaw quotes (showing 1-30 of 42)

“The cruelest thing you can do to an artist is tell them their work is flawless when it isn't”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“Well we've left behind the 200X's, and we move onto the 20XX's. Maybe that will finally make us feel like we're living in the future, rather than a media controlled slave state where an iPhone is worth substantially more than a human life. Happy new year.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“So, Americans, then. Self-appointed vigilante defenders of the world, kind of like Superman, if Superman was retarded and only fought crime when he felt like it.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“The most I can hope for is to die in a pose that confuses future archaeologists.”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam
“Nothing ruins a good thing quite like knowing you share your opinions with mindless little tits.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“I had passed on from life, from the world of struggles and hardship and big fat women with annoying laughs, and entered a glorious new existence of utter peace, and joy, and love.
And then some git brought me back to life”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld
“The main problem I always have with multiplayer is that human beings are grabby, entitled, selfish, ugly, stupid, evil cockstoppers.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“He seemed to notice for the first time that we weren't exactly rushing to his side, but were mainly watching him as a zoo patron would watch a crazy monkey, curious but ready to move at the first sign of poo-flinging. There was a minute of awkward silence before someone near the back with their head held under their arm said "who's this twat?”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld
“Individuals are fine once you get to know them, especially if they're interesting in conversation or have large, sumptuous breasts, but I don't like people in the plural and I've seen very little to change my mind about that.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“For me, Modern Warfare 3 's plot makes its signature turn around the bend when Russia invades Europe. As in, all of it. Simultaneously.

Now, I've never invaded Europe, except for that one time, but I would think that's a project you might want to stagger out a bit if you haven't forged an alliance with any galactic empires lately.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“This is about as simple as games get. There isn't even the paltriest context for what you're doing; you're not exacting revenge on limbless pigs or feeding your pet bitch-lizard. You're a ninja, fruit is flying up in front of you, and fuck fruit. Sitting around all smug on trees and in pies.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“It could have been a thief or a murderer. I considered crying out. A thief would run away, but a murderer would murder me. On the other hand, the murderer would probably murder me if I didn't too. That was his whole thing.”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam
“I am a crab. I am thinking crabby thoughts. I am tightening my grip on this rock with my big red pincers.”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld
“The obedient Pit bull becomes the escaped tiger and it's got a knife”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld
tags: humor
“I could think of no better place to secretly murder someone than inside a fridge. Well, actually there were probably several better ones, but none came to mind at the time.”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam
“This was how I would die. Strangled by an attractive, seminaked woman inside a fridge with a giant tarantula in the middle of a sea of carnivorous jam. As I blacked out, all I could think of was a fortune teller I'd spoken to a few years ago, and how full of shit she'd turned out to be.”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Jam
“There's something terribly weird about the standard fantasy setting--not least of which the fact the phrase "standard fantasy setting" can be uttered without irony.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“His perpetual grin was wider than any I'd ever seen, and that included several guys I'd known at Dreadgrave's with no skin on their faces.”
Yahtzee Croshaw, Mogworld
“My non American viewers. Who understand that the world does not consist solely of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of migrant workers. Will no doubt have heard that the waters surrounding Brisbane got tired of waiting for people to hit the beach and decided to bring the party to us.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“There's a new spell you get around level 50 called "Mirror Image" which might as well be called "Reap On, Ye Fucking Reaper Man".”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“What can you do with a character who responds to everything by either punching it or deploying Bat Anti-thing Spray. . . then punching it?”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“Making the decision to leave Valve strikes me as right up there with turning down the throne to Narnia, but then call me an idealist, and I guess I probably wouldn't want to spend my whole life making new hats for Team Fortress 2 either.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“How exactly does a steam-powered gun turret differentiate between friend and foe? I wasn't aware that boiled water could form allegiances.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“It creates an effective contrast, like riding a bike down a long and peaceful country road and every other hundred yards the bike turns into a bear.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“Horrors from beyond the veil of time and space are coming to eat us so shut up, sounds like a pretty good draw card for a leader to have.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“With small-town America it's always either zombies or communists isn't it.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“Readers of my online journal - I refuse to use the word blog because it sounds like something that lives on a riverbed and communicates through farts”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“I picked it up 'cause the back of the box said the Kinect had "finally found its hardcore game" and I interpreted that as a challenge.”
Yahtzee Croshaw
“Could somebody please invade America? I know it's not exactly prime real estate and can just about produce corn and shitty TV, but someone really needs to help them blow off some steam.”
Yahtzee Croshaw

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