Jonathan Stroud > Quotes

“According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“One magician demanded I show him an image of the love of his life. I rustled up a mirror.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“A dozen more questions occurred to me. Not to mention twenty-two possible solutions to each one, sixteen resulting hypotheses and counter-theorems, eight abstract speculations, a quadrilateral equation, two axioms, and a limerick. That's raw intelligence for you.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style."

"That is a footstool.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Golem's Eye

“Hey, we've all got problems, chum. I'm overly talkative. You look like a field of buttercups in a suit.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Golem's Eye

“Freedom is an illusion. It always comes at a price.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Bartimaeus Trilogy Boxed Set

“Believe me, I know all about bottle acoustics. I spent much of the sixth century in an old sesame oil jar, corked with wax, bobbing about in the Red Sea. No one heard my hollers. In the end an old fisherman set me free, by which time I was desperate enough to grant him several wishes. I erupted in the form of a smoking giant, did a few lightning bolts, and bent to ask him his desire. Poor old boy had dropped dead of a heart attack. There should be a moral there, but for the life of me I can't see one.”
― Jonathan Stroud

“That did it. I'd gone through a lot in the past few days. Everyone I met seemed to want a piece of me: djinn, magicians, humans...it made no difference.I'd been summoned, manhandled, shot at, captured, constricted, bossed about and generally taken for granted. And now, to cap it all, this bloke is joining in too, when all I'd been doing was quietly trying to kill him.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“Can you define "plan" as "a loose sequence of manifestly inadequate observations and conjectures, held together by panic, indecision, and ignorance"? If so, it was a very good plan.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“Watch where you leave your victims! I stubbed my toe on that.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“I had a chance at him now. Things were a bit more even. He knew my name, I knew his. He had six years' experience, I had five thousand and ten. That was the kind of odds that you could do something with.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“The mercenary finished his coffee in a single gulp, It must have been piping hot, too. Boy, he was tough.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Jabor finally appeared at the top of the stairs, sparks of flame radiating from his body and igniting the fabric of the house around him. He caught sight of the boy, reached out his hand and stepped forward.

And banged his head nicely on the low-slung attic door.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“Minor magicians take pains to fit this traditional wizardly bill. By contrast, the really powerful magicians take pleasure in looking like accountants.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“He was transfixed at the sight of the lords and ladies of his realm running about like demented chickens.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“Did Lovelace's forces find you? Did Jabor break in?"
He spoke slowly through clenched teeth. "I went to get a newspaper"
This is getting better and better! I shook my head regretfully. "You should leave such a dangerous assignment to people better qualified: next time ask an old granny, or a toddler-”
― Jonathan Stroud

“Besides, if you're going to die horribly, you might as well do it with style.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“But I do get afraid. It's just that fear makes me sort of . . . angry and resentful, and I bite back at it. It's hard to describe."

It isn't hard to describe, you idiot," Aud said. "It's called courage.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Heroes of the Valley

“The column hung above the middle of the pentacle, bubbling ever upward against the ceiling like the cloud of an erupting volcanoe. There was a barely perceptible pause. Then two yellow staring eyes materialized in the heart of the smoke.
Hey, it was his first time. I wanted to scare him. And it did, too.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“I warn you," the boy went on. "I am a magician of great power. I control many terrifying entities. This being you see before you" - here I rolled my shoulders back and puffed my chest up menacingly - "is but the meanest and least impressive of my slaves." (Here I slumped my shoulders and stuck my stomach out.)”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Golem's Eye

“And then, as if written by the hand of a bad novelist, an incredible thing happened.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“What is a gathering without unseemly drunkenness?”
― Jonathan Stroud, Heroes of the Valley

“He was a worried man (I'm stretching the term a bit here, I know. By now, in his mid to late teens, he might just about have passed for a man. When seen from behind. At a distance. On a very dark night).”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“The Hermit was known to be pretty sniffy about disciples who returned in failure. There was a wall of the institute layered with their skins- an ingenious display that encouraged vigor in his students, as well as nicely keeping out the drafts.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“That's usually how they start, the young ones. Meaningless waffle.”
― Jonathan Stroud

“Much has happened since last we met, Bartimaeus," he went on. "Do you remember how we parted?"
"No." I did.
"You set light to me, old friend. Struck a match and left me burning in a copse."
The crow shifted uneasily beneath the cleaver."That's a gesture of endearment in some cultures. Some hug, some kiss, some set each other on fire in small patches of woodland...”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Then again, Solomon was human. And that meant he was flawed (Go on, take a look at yourself in the mirror. A good long look, if you can bear it. See? Flawed's putting it mildly, isn't it?)”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“There was a loud cough from the man on the stand. I replaced My Magic Mirror carefully on his tray, gave him a cheesy smile, and went my way.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“listen, a goad's anything that provokes or incites an enemy
---
let me have a go: cursed deamon! you have met your end! the shivering fire awaits you! i shall spread your vile essance across this hall like... um, like margarine, a very think layer of it...
---
ye-es... im not sure he'll pick up on that analogy. never mind, keep going.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Hippo in a skirt: this was a comic reference to one of Solomon's principal wives, the one from Moab. Childish? Yes. But in the days before printing we had limited opportunities for satire.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“Burned and squashed to death in a silver vat of soup. There must be worst ways to go. But not many.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Pardon me, Highness, a women waits whithout."
"Whithout what?”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Ah, you coward! Look at you, running."

"Actually, it's called improvising.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Heroes of the Valley

“If anyone else asked that question, O He Who Is Terrible and Great, I would have said they were an ignorant fool; in you it is a sign of the disarming simplicity which is the fount of all virtue.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“I thouhgt i told you to stop doing that",he snapped.(Mr.Mandrake)
"do what?" (Door Imp)
"Taking on such a hideous appearance. I've just had my breakfast."
"sorry mate,it's my job."
"Your job is to destroy anyone entering my study without authority. No more,no less."
"True.But i seek to preemtentry by scaring trespassers away.To my thinking deterrence is more aesthetically satisfying than punishiment."
"Trespassers apart,you'll likely frighten Ms.Piper here to death."
"Not so.When she comes alone,i moderate my featers.I reserve the full horror for those i consider morally vicios."
"But you just looked that way to me!"
"The contradiction being...?”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Fiftey years isn't too bad. With luck you might see it happen when your a sweet,old granny,dandling big fat babies on your knee. Actully"-he held up a hand,interrupting Kitty's cry of protest-"no,that's wrong. My projection is incorrect."
"Good."
"You'll never be a sweet old granny. Let's say,'sad,lonely old biddy' instead.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Not bad in short, though the last one [understanding the language of animals], isn't half as useful as you might expect, since when all's said and done the language of the beasts tends to revolve around: a) the endless hunt for food, b) finding a warm bush to sleep in the evening, and c) the sporadic satisfication of certain glands. (Many would argue that the language of human kind boils down to this too)”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“Me, I was still in the pygmy hippo in a skirt, singing lusty songs about Solomon's private life and a giant stone back and forth through the air as I climbed out of the quarry at the edge of the site.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“A typical master. Right to the end, he didn’t give me a chance to get a word in edgeways. Which is a pity, because at that last moment I’d have liked to tell him what I thought of him. Mind you, since in that split second we were, to all intents and purposes, one and the same, I rather think he knew anyway.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Literature offers the thrill of minds of great clarity wrestling with the endless problems and delights of being human. To engage with them is to engage with oneself, and the lasting rewards are not confined to specific career paths.”
― Jonathan Stroud

“It's the same with spirit guises; show me a sweet little choirboy or a smiling mother and I'll show you the hideous fanged strigoi it really is. (Not always. Just sometimes. *Your* mother is absolutely fine, for instance. Probably.)”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“Ambition is all very well, my lad, but you must cloak it.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand

“Listen," I began, "this is an established,traditional form that-"
"Traditional nothing.Where are your clothes?"
"Clothes?" I said weakly. "I don't normally bother with them in this guise."
"Well,you could put on a pair of shorts,at least.Your not decent."
"I'm not sure they'd go with the wings..." The demon frowend,and blinked."Hold on,enough of this."
"Lenderhosen would. They'd compliment the leather.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“According to some (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind), heroic deaths are admirable things. I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also Dead.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“We communicated with pithy, rather monosyllabic thoughts: viz. Run, Jump, Where? Left, Up, Duck, ect. (This latter was an observation I made on the edge of a lake. Nathaniel unfortunately took it as a command, which resulted in our temporary immersion.) We didn't ever quite say Ug, but it was a close-run thing.”
― Jonathan Stroud, Ptolemy's Gate

“Her clarity gave her purpose and her purpose gave her clarity.”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Ring of Solomon

“Long ago I dreamed of being a hero in your company" Halli said Huskily "I'm sorry to say your reality disappoints me”
― Jonathan Stroud, Heroes of the Valley

“Oh, the boots were on the other eight feet now.”
― Jonathan Stroud

“And sure enough,the youth in question was not his usual dapper self. His face was puffy, his eyes red and wild; his shirt(distressingly unbuttoned)hung over his trousers in sloppy fashion. All very out of charactar: Mandrake was normally defined by his rigid self-control. Somthing seemed to have stripped all that away.
Well, the poor lad was emotionally brittle.He needed sympathetic handling.
"You're a mess," I sneered "You've lost it big time. What's happened? All the guilt and self-loathing suddenly get to you? It can't just be that someone else called me, surly?”
― Jonathan Stroud, The Bartimaeus Trilogy Boxed Set