Fran Lebowitz > Quotes

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. ”
― Fran Lebowitz

“There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. ”
― Fran Lebowitz

“My favorite animal is steak.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.”
― Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life/Social Studies

“The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“You’re life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.”
― Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life/Social Studies

“Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted among them. To put it bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.”
― Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life/Social Studies

“To lose yourself in a book is the desire of the bookworm. I mean to be taken. That is my desire.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications. ”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“There is one thing that has disappeared, not just from the U.S. but from the entire world, is the idea of ever being embarrased by anything.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merely a good excuse not to play football.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive – you are leaking.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

“Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.

The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke. ”
― Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life/Social Studies

“I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I am not the type of person who wants to go back to the land I am the type who wants to got back to the hotel.”
― Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life/Social Studies

“polite conversation is rarely either”
― Fran Lebowitz

“It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“If, while watching the sun set on a used-car lot in Los Angeles, you are struck by the parallels between the image and the inevitable fate of humanity, do not, under any circumstance, write it down.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“The girl in your class who suggests that this year the Drama Club put on The Bald Soprano will be a thorn in people's sides all of her life.”
― Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life/Social Studies

“Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“فكر قبل أن تتكلم، واقرأ قبل أن تفكر”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.”
― Fran Lebowitz

“Sleep is death without the responsibility.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

“Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

“Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader

“There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.”
― Fran Lebowitz