quotes by Matt Groening

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come. "
— Matt Groening

"Marge, it takes two to lie- one to lie, and one to listen. (Homer Simpson)"
— Matt Groening

"Marge : There's a man here who says he can help you.
Homer : Is it Batman?
Marge : He's a scientist.
Homer : Batman's a scientist.
Marge : It's not Batman!"
— Matt Groening

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel."
— Matt Groening

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."
— Matt Groening

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."
— Matt Groening (Life in Hell 1993-1994 Fun Calendar)

"Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary."
— Matt Groening (Childhood Is Hell)

"I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me."
— Matt Groening

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'
~Homer Simpson"
— Matt Groening

""Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." - Homer Simpson"
— Matt Groening

"Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!
— Russ Cargill"
— Matt Groening

""I am fine, my feelings are mad" (Homer Simpsons)."
— Matt Groening

"Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath.

Then at night, the ice weasels come."
— Matt Groening

"Stealing? How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what’s-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughin’, did you?”
- Homer Simpson"
— Matt Groening

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."
— Matt Groening

"Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney."
— Matt Groening

"I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. "
— Matt Groening

"It doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know. It's what shows up on the surface that counts. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees, until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you... and happiness will follow. (Marge Simpson)"
— Matt Groening

"Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems. "
— Matt Groening

""Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder"
- Homer Simpson's version of Pascal's Wager"
— Matt Groening

"The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid."
— Matt Groening

""I remember another gentle visitor from the heavens, he came in peace and then died, only to come back to life, and his name was E.T., the extra terestrial. I loved that little guy."
- Reverend Lovejoy"
— Matt Groening

"If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. (--Homer Simpson)"
— Matt Groening

"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"
— Matt Groening

""This so-called new religion is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants designed to take away the money of fools. Now let us say the lord's prayer 40 times, but first let's pass the collection plate."
- Rev. Lovejoy"
— Matt Groening

"Welcome to Suckersville, man."
— Matt Groening (The Simpsons : A Complete Guide to Our Favorite Family)

"whoops."
— Matt Groening

"I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?"
— Matt Groening

"Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people."
— Matt Groening

"Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget."
— Matt Groening

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the weasels come."
— Matt Groening

"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel. "
— Matt Groening

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come."
— Matt Groening

"Don't let your meatloaf!"
— Matt Groening

""Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon." - Lisa Simpson"
— Matt Groening