"You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you and then you run over one person with your car - not even one of the popular ones - and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense."
— Michael Scott

"I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out."
— Michael Scott

"Do I want to be feared or loved? That's a good question. I want both. I people to be afraid of how much they love me!"
— Michael Scott

"Yeah I have flaws, like I sing in the shower, I volunteer too much, and occasionally I hit someone with my car. So sue me...wait no not really. "
— Michael Scott

"Dunder Mifflin: Limitless paper in a paperless world."
— Michael Scott

"That's what she said."
— Michael Scott

"Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour"
— Michael Scott

"Don't ever for any reason do anything to anyone for any reason ever. No matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... EVER. For any reason whatsoever."
— Michael Scott

"Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
"
— Michael Scott

"Wow, that is a great story. That's the american dream right there, right? Um, let me ask you...is there a term besides 'mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive perhaps?"
— Michael Scott

"I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
— Michael Scott

"Michael: "I'm also part Native American Indian."

Oscar: "What part Native American?"

Michael: "Two-fifteenths."

Oscar: "That fraction doesn't make any sense."

Michael: "Well you know its kind of hard for me to talk about... there's suffering.""
— Michael Scott

"That is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin, and we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about."
— Michael Scott

"The early worm gets the worm!"
— Michael Scott

"“When I retire, I don’t want to just move to some island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives it all back. I want it to be like, ‘Hey… who donated that hospital wing that’s saving so many lives?’ ‘I don’t know. It was anonymous.’ ‘Well, guess what. It was Michael Scott.’ ‘But how do you know? It was anonymous.’ ‘Because I’m him.’""
— Michael Scott

"Well, sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office, so it's problably psychological."
— Michael Scott

"You need to play to win .. But .. You also need to win... to play."
— Michael Scott

"I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities. "
— Michael Scott

"What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
"
— Michael Scott

""I spend all my time trying to keep thoughts away and ignore them....But here you are, trying to remember your own life, writing your thoughts down so that you don't forget. I suddenly realized what it would be like not to know, not to remember."
"
— Michael Scott (The Sorceress)

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Uhm, easy: Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
— Michael Scott

"I wrote you a poem. The last word is "seagulls.""
— Michael Scott

"Abraham Lincoln once said that "if you are a racist, I will attack you with the North." And those are principles that I carry with me in the workplace."
— Michael Scott

""I like places like this," he announced.

"I like old places too," Josh said, "but what's to like about a place like this?"

The king spread his arms wide. "What do you see?"

Josh made a face. "Junk. Rusted tractor, broken plow, old bike."

"Ahh...but I see a tractor that was once used to till these fields. I see the plow it once pulled. I see a bicycle carefully placed out of harm's way under a table."

Josh slowly turned again, looking at the items once more.

"And i see these things and I wonder at the life of the person who carefully stored the precious tractor and plow in the barn out of the weather, and placed their bike under a homemade table."

"Why do you wonder?" Josh asked. "Why is it even important?"

"Because someone has to remember," Gilgamesh snapped, suddenly irritated. "Some one has to remember the human who rode the bike and drove the tractor, the person who tilled the fields, who was born and lived and died, who loved and laughed and cried, the person who shivered in the cold and sweated in the sun." He walked around the barn again, touching each item, until his palm were red with rust." It is only when no one remembers, that you are truely lost. That is the true death."
"
— Michael Scott (The Sorceress)

"He came to a decision and looked at Dagon before climbing into the car.
"Find the Disir."
Dagon stiffened, showing a rare sign of emotion. "Is that wise?" he asked.
"It is neccessary."
--The Magicain (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, book 2)"
— Michael Scott

""This car was speically ordered for you, Mr. Flamel." There was a pause and the voice added, "The author of one of the most boring books I have ever read, The Philosophic Summary."
"Boring?" Nicholas yanked the door open and pushed the twins into the gloom. "It's been acknowledged for centuires as a work of a genius!" Climbing in, he slammed the door.
"Franis probably told you to say that."
"You'd better buckel up," the driver commanded. "We've got all sorts of company heading this way, none of it friendly and all of it unpleasant."

-- The Sorceress, (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, book 3)
"
— Michael Scott

"That's what she said"
— Michael Scott

""Seasick," Scatty mumbled. "That's exaclty what it feels like. Only worse."

--The Magician (The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel, book 2)"
— Michael Scott

""Would I rather be feared or loved? Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.""
— Michael Scott

"You need to play to win. But... you also need to win... to play."
— Michael Scott

"I soend all my time trying to keep thoughts away and ignore them....But here you are, trying to remember your own life, writing your thoughts down so that you don't forget. I suddenly realized what it would be like not to know, not to remember."
— Michael Scott (The Sorceress)

"thats what she said! "
— Michael Scott

""She's in the Catskill," Shopie began, but Scathach reached over and pinched her hand. "Ouch!"
"I just wanted to distract you," Scathach explained. "Don't even think about Black Annis. There are some names that should never be spoken aloud."
"That like saying don't think of elephants, Josh said, "and then all you can think about is elephants."
"Then let me give you something else to think about," Scathach said softly. "There are two police officers in the window staring at us. Don't look," she added urgently.
Too late. Josh turned to look and whatever crossed his face--shock, horror, guilt or fear--bought both officers racing into the cafe, one pulling his automatic from its holster, the other speaking urgently into his radio as he drew his baton."
— Michael Scott

"Everyone can be defeated. Only ideas are immortal."
— Michael Scott

"Abraham Lincoln once said that "if you are a racist I will attach you with the north" and those are the values that I try to live by in the workplace. "
— Michael Scott