"The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity."
— Dorothy Parker

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
— Dorothy Parker

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
— Dorothy Parker

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."
— Dorothy Parker

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
— Dorothy Parker

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
— Dorothy Parker

"(When asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
— Dorothy Parker

"What fresh hell is this?"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn."
— Dorothy Parker

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
— Dorothy Parker

"They sicken of the calm who know the storm."
— Dorothy Parker

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."
— Dorothy Parker

"By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying."
— Dorothy Parker

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
— Dorothy Parker

"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."
— Dorothy Parker

"I hate writing, I love having written."
— Dorothy Parker

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
— Dorothy Parker

"Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life."
— Dorothy Parker

"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."
— Dorothy Parker

"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!"
— Dorothy Parker

"Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship."
— Dorothy Parker

"Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt."
— Dorothy Parker

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of those who-do-things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails. But I don't even do that anymore."
— Dorothy Parker

"Time doth flit; oh shit."
— Dorothy Parker

"I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives' tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen."
— Dorothy Parker

"So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
-- Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead."
— Dorothy Parker

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."
— Dorothy Parker

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them."
— Dorothy Parker

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."
— Dorothy Parker

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."
— Dorothy Parker

"A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika."
— Dorothy Parker

"And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned."
— Dorothy Parker (Sunset Gun)

"I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things."
— Dorothy Parker

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die (but alas we never do)!"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song;
a medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
and I am Marie of Romania."
— Dorothy Parker

"I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money."
— Dorothy Parker

"In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you."
— Dorothy Parker

"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves."
— Dorothy Parker

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."
— Dorothy Parker

"Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think 'How lucky are the dead.'"
— Dorothy Parker (The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker)

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."
— Dorothy Parker

"His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets."
— Dorothy Parker

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
— Dorothy Parker

"Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye."
— Dorothy Parker

"I wish I could drink like a lady.
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table.
Four and I'm under the host."
— Dorothy Parker

"Be you wise and never sad,
You will get your lovely lad.
Never serious be, nor true,
And your wish will come to you--
And if that makes you happy, kid,
You'll be the first it ever did."
— Dorothy Parker

""This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.""
— Dorothy Parker

"And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word."
— Dorothy Parker