quotes by Dorothy Parker
(showing 1-50 of 132)
"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
humor
322 people liked it
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
— Dorothy Parker
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
humor
163 people liked it
"(When asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)
"If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn."
— Dorothy Parker
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn."
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
fame
126 people liked it
"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying."
— Dorothy Parker
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying."
— Dorothy Parker
"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
humor
105 people liked it
"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."
— Dorothy Parker
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."
— Dorothy Parker
"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
humor
75 people liked it
"Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
sex
67 people liked it
"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
sex
65 people liked it
"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!"
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
friendship
58 people liked it
"Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of those who-do-things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails. But I don't even do that anymore."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives' tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
-- Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead."
— Dorothy Parker
-- Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead."
— Dorothy Parker
"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
humor
50 people liked it
"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
humor
49 people liked it
"And if my heart be scarred and burned,
The safer, I, for all I learned."
— Dorothy Parker (Sunset Gun)
The safer, I, for all I learned."
— Dorothy Parker (Sunset Gun)
"I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"Drink and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die (but alas we never do)!"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)
"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song;
a medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
and I am Marie of Romania."
— Dorothy Parker
a medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
and I am Marie of Romania."
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
irony
36 people liked it
"I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you."
— Dorothy Parker
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you."
— Dorothy Parker
"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)
tags:
humor
32 people liked it
"If wild my breast and sore my pride,
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think 'How lucky are the dead.'"
— Dorothy Parker (The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker)
I bask in dreams of suicide,
If cool my heart and high my head
I think 'How lucky are the dead.'"
— Dorothy Parker (The Complete Poems of Dorothy Parker)
tags:
suicide
31 people liked it
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye."
— Dorothy Parker
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye."
— Dorothy Parker
"I wish I could drink like a lady.
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table.
Four and I'm under the host."
— Dorothy Parker
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table.
Four and I'm under the host."
— Dorothy Parker
tags:
drinking
27 people liked it
"Be you wise and never sad,
You will get your lovely lad.
Never serious be, nor true,
And your wish will come to you--
And if that makes you happy, kid,
You'll be the first it ever did."
— Dorothy Parker
You will get your lovely lad.
Never serious be, nor true,
And your wish will come to you--
And if that makes you happy, kid,
You'll be the first it ever did."
— Dorothy Parker
""This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.""
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
"And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word."
— Dorothy Parker
— Dorothy Parker
Dorothy Parker's profile »
all quotes
all quotes
Apropos which 19th-century novelist does Dorothy Parker dare you:
"Who call him spurious and shoddy
Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.
I heartily invite such birds
To come outside and say those words!"
a. Honoré de Balzac
b. Charles Dickens
c. Henry James
d. Herman Melville
e. Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev
More trivia...
"Who call him spurious and shoddy
Shall do it o'er my lifeless body.
I heartily invite such birds
To come outside and say those words!"
a. Honoré de Balzac
b. Charles Dickens
c. Henry James
d. Herman Melville
e. Ivan Sergeevich Turgenev
More trivia...

