Jeff Kinney > Quotes

“I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Monkeys can't talk, stupid!”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

“You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days

“Dear Aunt Loretta,
Thank you so much for the awesome pants!
How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?
I love the way the pants look on my legs!
All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants.
Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!
Sincerely, Greg”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Zoo-Wee Mama!”
― Jeff Kinney

“I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.”
― Jeff Kinney

“The best person I know is Myself.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.
But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.
Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."
That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.”
― Jeff Kinney

“Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“For the record, I think it should be illegal for a boy to have to fold his mother's underwear.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth

“See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth

“YO MOMMA”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Some day I will be famous but for now I am stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”
― Jeff Kinney

“that if you don't read nobody does”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

“Loded Diaper”
― Jeff Kinney

“You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

“So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever

“I think goodreads is the best place to look for books”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth

“But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days

“I think Diary of a Wimpy kidis sooooo good!!!!!!!”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“i think you should read Dairy of a wimpy kid.”
― Jeff Kinney

“hay he's a great writer and i like him a lot”
― Jeff Kinney

“hey guys i would like you to try this book you will love it!”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why
is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says
people need to shave twice a day.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid

“I`m basically one of the best people I know.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw

“I like turtles!!!!”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever

“Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

“Very great book. AMAZING! WORTHY”
― Jeff Kinney

“fish and visitors stink in 3 days.”
― Jeff Kinney, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever