Gordon Korman > Quotes

“I hate France. It's like the whole country's on a diet”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.
He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her.
With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load.
"Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit.
Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante.
Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill....
And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Oh, no-" They weren't even on the runway, and Jonah's father was already immersed in his BlackBerry. "Remember those 'Live Large with the Wiz Generation' posters? Well, guess how that translates into Chinese- 'Jonah Wizard Makes Your Ancestors Fat'.”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“We didn't stow away!" Dan protested. "You sunk our boat and pulled us out of the canal!"
"Good point," Ian agreed. "Return them to the canal. Roughly, please.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“For someone who'e smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Ask me. I'm a cow expert.”
― Gordon Korman

“Nellie grinned. "I always wanted to go to Venice. It's supposed to be the romance capital of the world."
"Sweet," put in Dan. "Too bad your date is an Egyptian Mau on a hunger strike."
The au pair sighed. "Better than an eleven-year-old with a big mouth.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“When we lock things away," he said with conviction, "we're really imprisoning ourselves.”
― Gordon Korman, Schooled

“Don't have to see," the pilot grunted. "Olga knows the way."
"Funny name for an aircraft," Grace commented. "Is it after your wife?"
"My gun."
Grace stared at him. "You named your plane after a gun?"
"It was a very good gun.”
― Gordon Korman, Vespers Rising

“For someone who's smarter than a supercomputer, sometimes you're a real idiot.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“The au pair was bug-eyed. "What happened back there?"
"It's not our fault!" Dan babbled. "Those guys are crazy! They're like mini-Darth Vaders without the mask!"
"They're Benedictine monks!" Nellie exclaimed. "They're men of peace! Most of them are under vows of silence!"
"Yeah, well, not anymore," Dan told her. "They cursed us out pretty good. I don't know the language, but some things you don't have to translate.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“I've taken care of it," I said
My father looked at me, shocked.
Then I realized "taken care of" had a very specific meaning in his line of work.
"No, no, I mean he's gone.”
― Gordon Korman

“Don't think of it as losing a boyfriend. Think of it as gaining a stalker."
-Dan Cahill”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“You don't get Billie Joe Armstrong's autograph on your forehead without following your instincts.”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“In our family, you don't get a childhood. We're too busy trying to dominate the world.”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“The phone rang in the comm. center. Ian consulted the monitor. "It's Dan." He pressed a button. "Kabra here."
Dan's voice crackled through the attic. "Don't say it like that," he complained. "Your name still gives me heartburn.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Ian Kabra rolled up his window. "My god, what's that smell?"
Behind the wheel, Sinead laughed. "It's called fresh air. Growing up in London, you've probably never breathed it before."
"And I hope I never breathe it again.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“You know what punk is? a bunch of no-talent guys who really, really want to be in a band. Nobody reads music, nobody plays the mandolin, and you're too dumb to write songs about mythology or Middle-earth. So what's your style? Three chords, cranked out fast and loud and distorted because your instruments are crap and you can't play them worth a damn. And you scream your lungs out to cover up the fact that you can't sing. It should suck, but here's the thing - it doesn't. Rock and roll can be so full of itself, but not this. It's simple and angry and raw.”
― Gordon Korman, Born to Rock

“Dan instantly recognized the angry scratch that stretched from the corner of Ian's eye all the way along the olive skin to his chin. "Have you been messing with Saladin?"
"No. Saladin has been messing with me," Ian shot back.
"He isn't big on Lucians," Dan explained. "Animals are really good judges of character.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Why can't you just lie and cheat like the others?" Dan snapped. "Can't you just see that's better than being nice one minute and then turning around and selling us out? It may be very Cahill, but it stinks! Grace had a saying: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, I'll conk you with this pet carrier!”
― Gordon Korman, The Emperor's Code

“No fair! Those guys ripped off what we rightfully stole!”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“What does it feel like to get shot?"
"I don't recommend it," said Nellie in a controlled voice. "Chocolate is definitely better.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Nobody got me out," Nellie replied. "They just let me go. They think I'm a deranged Jonah Wizard fan. Apparently, the hotel's full of them. A couple of idiots actually jumped off the front balcony. Can you picture that?"
"In Technicolor," Amy said bitterly.
"That low-down KGB reject!" Dan fumed. "I can't believe she cheated me–right when I was in the middle of cheating her!”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Who's Evan?" Ian asked.
"Amy's boyfriend!"
"Amy, since when do you have a boyfriend?" Ian probed.
"Since none of your business!”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Who's that new guy with the snooty accent who came out and talked to the police?" Evan persisted. "He looks like some kind of male model."
"That's just my cousin Ian," Amy explained.
"Not much of a family resemblance," Evan noted sourly.
"He's like a twenty-fifth cousin, ten times removed."
Evan was not satisfied.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Global warming doesn't care what's in your bank account."
-Sinead Starling”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“We don't have to love it. We just have to steal it.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Sinead broke in. "The cops need to know what to do with Evan, Amy. What should I tell them?"
"Shoot to kill?" Ian suggested.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Jonah spoke what everyone was thinking. "Wouldn't it be Twilight Zone if the door was open, too?"
Hamilton tried the knob. It didn't budge.
Ian stepped forward and examined the lock. "Natalie's diary has better security than this." He produced a credit card and slipped it between the latch and the jamb. There was a click, and the door swung wide.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Amy turned to Nellie. "Can you create a diversion to draw the clerk outside?"
The au pair was wary. "What kind of diversion?"
"You could pretend to be lost," Dan proposed. "The guy comes out to give you directions, and we slip inside."
"That's the most sexist idea I've ever heard," Nellie said harshly. "I'm female, so I have to be clueless. He's male, so he's got a great sense of direction."
"Maybe you're from out of town," Dan suggested. "Wait–you are from out of town."
Nellie stashed their bags under a bench and set Saladin on the seat with a stern "You're the watchcat. Anybody touches those bags, unleash your inner tiger."
The Egyptian Mau surveyed the street uncertainly. "Mrrp."
Nellie sighed. "Lucky for us there's no one around. Okay, I'm going in there. Be ready."
The clerk said something to her–probably May I help you? She smiled apologetically. "I don't speak Italian."
"Ah–you are American." His accent was heavy, but he seemed eager to please. "I will assist you." He took in her black nail polish and nose ring. "Punk, perhaps, is your enjoyment?"
"More like a punk/reggae fusion," Nellie replied thoughtfully. "With a country feel. And operatic vocals."
The clerk stared in perplexity.
Nellie began to tour the aisles, pulling out CDs left and right. "Ah–Artic Monkeys–that's what I'm talking about. And some Bad Brains–from the eighties. Foo Fighters–I'll need a couple from those guys. And don't forget Linkin Park..."
He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Ian sighed wanly. "I once had the means to be gaga over art–before I found myself in a country where the standard of beauty is toaster waffles shaped like cartoon characters.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“The dog always dies. Go to the library and pick out a book with an award sticker and a dog on the cover. Trust me, that dog is going down.”
― Gordon Korman, No More Dead Dogs

“Nellie's brow furrowed. "The great Mr. Hip-Hop Mogul standing in line with the common peasants? How do you figure that?"
Dan grinned. "I'm starting to dig this 'no cars' thing. It's a great equalizer.”
― Gordon Korman, One False Note

“Amy hugged Sinead, and Dan scratched Saladin. "Later, Saladin. Take it easy on Kabra. On second thought, don't.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Nellie Gomez awoke to a splitting headache. Worse, she was still hungry.
"Where's my croissant?" she demanded of the person leaning over her.
"Dear child," came a strangely familiar voice.
"Don't 'dear child' me!" she snapped. The twenty-two-year-old punk rocker ran black-polished fingernails through black-and-orange-dyed hair, which did nothing to soothe the pounding behind her black-shaded eyes. "Give me my croissant or I'll–"
It was then that she suddenly realized she was threatening the venerable Alistair Oh. "Alistair, what are you doing here?”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Hamilton had a complaint. "Why did you have to tell the cops I'm your boyfriend? That's gross, Amy. We're related!"
Amy was disgusted. "We had a common ancestor, like, five hundred years ago. Besides, if they think we're together, we only have to come up with one story, and I can do all the talking."
"Hey, I got an early acceptance to Notre Dame," Hamilton said defensively. "I can talk."
"Of course you can," Amy soothed. "It's what you say that might get us into trouble.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Come on, who saw what happened?"
"I did," I volenteered.
"Well?"
"Buttwipe wanted to know what jerkface was looking at." I turned turned eyes on the bloody and dirt-smeared brawlers. "You were barely 3-inches apart. Couldn't you see that you were both looking at each other?"
The teacher's face reddened. "Who do you think you are? Jerry Seinfeld?"
"You must be confused with another student," I told him. "My name is Capricorn Anderson.”
― Gordon Korman, Schooled

“Ow!"
"Hold still," Sinead ordered. "And don't be such a baby." She dabbed at the angry red mark behind Ian's ear. "Cat scratches are prone to infection, you know."
"And that's my fault?" Ian raged. "Why don't you lock that animal in the cellar? Or, better still, send him to a violen string factory! Ow! What is this stuff–acid?"
"My own concoction," she replied cheerfully. "Amy and I use it on our blisters when we do marathon training. Soothing, right?"
"They practice this kind of soothing in the Lucian stronghold–during interrogations.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Where's Amy?" Ian put in. "Will you please get her to call that Evan character? He rings here twenty times a day. He's either the most mule-headed person who ever lived, or he really likes your sister. She has to have mercy on him–on all of us!”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Dan was suspicious. "How did he find out where we were staying?"
Amy frowned. "I think that's the message inside the message. He wants us to know that he has a long reach–that's he's rich and powerful."
"Like we'll see his giant mansion and assume he works at Burger King," scoffed Dan.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Hamilton dabbed a tissue at the cut under his eye. "Except for the time I met the Great Khali, that was the coolest thing I've ever done!"
The foursome, only slightly the worse for wear, stood on the tarmac of the small airfield outside Milan, transferring their luggage from the limo to Jonah's jet for the flight back to Florence.
"You didn't do anything, yo," Jonah seethed. "It was done to all of us by the freak show with the nerve to complain that the family branches are too violent!”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Wonderful. What's the point of throwing a hissy fit without friends and family on hand to hear it?"
-Amy Cahill”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Desperately, Phoenix attempted to maneuver both tips of the instrument around the bullet. He knew that each move caused Nellie unimaginable pain, but he could not grasp the target. "It's no use," he sobbed. "And my hand is going numb."
In a frenzy, Nellie shouted something into the gag, but no one could understand her.
"I beg your pardon, child?" queried Alistair.
Nellie spat out the rag and rasped, "Get the Kabra chick!"
"Natalie?" Fiske exclaimed. "She's fallen completely to pieces."
"Get her!" Nellie demanded. "Anybody with eyebrows plucked like that knows how to use a tweezers!"
Reagan bounded across the room and came back with a shivering, mewling Natalie.
"I can't!" she wheezed.
Fiske poured alchohol over the girl's beautifully manicured fingers. "You must."
Still protesting, her eyes tightly shut, she took over the instrument from Phoenix. "I can't do it! You can't make me—oh!" She said in sudden surprise. "This?" And when she pulled the tweezers out of the wound, the tips were firmly grasping a flattened, blood-slimed bullet.
Nellie laughed—and promptly fainted.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Yeah!" shouted Jonah, twirling the much larger Hamilton around the restaurant in a victory dance.
The other diners watched in amazement. This wild display was hardly the public image of the too-cool-for-school Jonah Wizard.
"What's the matter?" Hamilton challenged. "Haven't you ever seen a happy rapper before?”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“The computer beeped as the upload completed. A moment later, Ian Kabra appeared on the screen.
Dan was surprised. "Hey, Ian, isn't it, like, two in the morning back there?"
"It's called jet lag," Ian informed him. "I'm still on London time. I don't suppose you savages have any tea in this mausoleum."
"There's a diet Snapple in the fridge."
Ian shuddered. "I thought not.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“It was no place for a Kabra, not even a poor one living in exile with a psychopathic cat.
He approached the counter and rand the bell with authority. The clerk turned around.
Evan Tolliver.
"You're Amy's cousin!"
"Yes, I am," Ian confirmed. "I have here a list of items–"
"Have you heard from her?" Evan interrupted. "Is she okay?"
"Her health is excellent."
"No, I mean–"
Ian sighed. "Why should you care? She promises to phone you, and she doesn't. You were nearly arrested, thanks to her. There's a message in there somewhere, don't you agree?"
Evan nodded sadly. "I kind of think so, too. But we were awesome together. She's smart, fun to be with, and not immature like most of the girls in our school. It's as if she has an automatic switch for when it's time to be serious–she can almost be old beyond her years at times. Where do you learn something like that?"
"I have no earthly idea," Ian lied.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“What did Romeo and Juliet do?”
They died,” I remind her gently. “Some mix-up with the poison-”
― Gordon Korman

“Amy was profoundly shocked. "A little over an hour ago, our bus was attacked by three men in ski masks. They definitely knew me, and probably Dan, too. We fought them off, but it could've gone either way."
"Like if they'd used a cookie truck instead of a gas tanker," Dan added. "Nobody's scared of Oreos.”
― Gordon Korman, The Medusa Plot

“Be the Ambulance. Make toast.”
― Gordon Korman

“Your pants didn't get smaller, Mommy," I assured her. "Your butt got bigger.”
― Gordon Korman, No More Dead Dogs