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Robert Benchley quotes (showing 1-30 of 31)

“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
“The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.”
Robert Benchley, My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew
“It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.”
Robert Benchley
“Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.”
Robert Benchley
tags: humor
“There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.”
Robert Benchley, Pluck and Luck
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.”
Robert Benchley
“Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. ”
Robert Benchley
“There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.”
Robert Benchley
“I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”
Robert Benchley
“The only cure for a real hangover is death.”
Robert Benchley
“We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.”
Robert Benchley
“The free-lance writer is one who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.”
Robert Benchley
“Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.”
Robert Benchley
“Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.”
Robert Benchley
“After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.”
Robert Benchley
“Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.”
Robert Benchley
“I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.”
Robert Benchley
“People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but—" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong.”
Robert Benchley
“Streets flooded. Please advise.”
Robert Benchley
“If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.”
Robert Benchley
tags: acting
“Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.”
Robert Benchley
“One, two, three / Buckle my shoe.”
Robert Benchley
“New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.”
Robert Benchley
“Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one”
Robert Benchley
“As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.”
Robert Benchley
“The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of taking on the appearance of an Oriental bordello.”
Robert Benchley
“As the storm came nearer I began to realize that I hadn't made the most of my three years' immunity. In fact, I hadn't done a single thing about cleaning up my life. I was, if anything, an even more logical target for lightning than the last time I was in range. And thunderstorms don't creep up on you at seven o'clock in the morning in a non-thunderstorm country for nothing, you know. I lined up a rather panicky schedule of reforms...
But as the storm suddenly petered out and went off in the other direction nothing much has come out of it yet. I may have three years more, and these things can't be rushed.”
Robert Benchley, My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew
“A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.”
Robert Benchley
“One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.”
Robert Benchley
“There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them." Robert Benchley (1889-1945)”
Robert Benchley

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