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Mindy Kaling quotes (showing 61-90 of 239)

“That's what she said.”
Mindy Kaling
“My mom’s a doctor, but because she came from India and then Africa, where childhood obesity was not a problem, she put no premium on having skinny kids. In fact, she and my dad didn’t mind having a chubby daughter. Part of me wonders if it even made them feel a little prosperous, like Have you seen our overweight Indian child? Do you know how statistically rare this is?
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“If I gave my mother a knitted scarf she'd be worried I was wasting my time doing stupid stuff like knitting instead of school work. Presenting a homemade knitted object to my parents was actually like handing them a detailed backlog of my idleness.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
tags: humor
“I guess nothing puts a damper on a one-night stand as much as your friend pointing out all the opportunities where you might have been killed.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“Albums that remind me of my childhood happiness make me incredibly sad now.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“It was through eavesdropping that I learned that you could buy fresh peanut butter at Whole Foods from a machine that grinds it in front of you. I had wasted so much of my life eating stupid old, already-ground peanut butter. So, yeah, I highly recommend a little nosiness once in a while.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
tags: humor
“I initially thought you were ugly, but then you walked closer to me and I realized you were pretty.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“I didn't completely forget how to be nice or feminine because I have a career.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“Also, chubby people can never truly pull off ethereal the same way skinny people can never be jolly.”
Mindy Kaling
“Ultimately, the main reasons why I will be chubby for life are (1) I have virtually no hobbies except dieting. I can’t speak any non-English languages, knit, ski, scrapbook, or cook. I have no pets. I don’t know how to do drugs. I lost my passport three years ago when I moved into my house and never got it renewed. Video games scare me because they all seem to simulate situations I’d hate to be in, like war or stealing cars. So if I ever lost weight I would also lose my only hobby; (2) I have no discipline; I’m like if Private Benjamin had never toughened up but, in fact, got worse; (3) Guys I’ve dated have been into me the way I am; and (4) I’m pretty happy with the way I look, so long as I don’t break a beach chair.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“You might also see that some of my playlists are simply two songs on repeat fifteen times, like I’m a psycho getting pumped up to murder the president.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“I’m the one who looks at the infant, smiles nervously, and as my contribution to small talk, robotically announces to the parent, “Your child looks healthy and well cared for.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“My version of an Irish exit has an air of deception to it, because it includes my asking loudly, “Where’s the bathroom?” and making theatrical looking-around gestures like a lost foreign tourist. But then, instead of finding the bathroom, I sneakily grab my coat and leave.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“That's the one nice thing about being a dork about men: you can sometimes play it off as restrained and classy.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible break-up, or getting fired from your job, or if you’re just having a bad couple of months or year. I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“In the Shakespearean comedies, the wedding is the end, and there isn't much indication of what happily ever after will look like day to day. In real life, shouldn't a wedding be an awesome party you throw with your great pal, in the presence of a bunch of your other friends? A great day, for sure, but not the beginning and certainly not the end of your friendship with a person you can't wait to talk about gardening with for the next forty years.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
What else should I know?
(1) There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
(2) I would like to be friends with Beyoncé Knowles.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“People ask me all the time how I got hired onto the Office. Another common question is how do I manage to stay so down-to-earth in the face of such incredible success? ... A third frequently asked question is: "Girl, where you from? Trinidad? Guyana? Dominican Republic? You married? You got kids?" This is mostly asked by guys on the sidewalk selling I LOVE NEW YORK paraphernalia in New York City.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“In high school, I had fun in my academic clubs, watching movies with my girlfriends, learning Latin, having long, protracted, unrequited crushes on older guys who didn’t know me, and yes, hanging out with my family. I liked hanging out with my family! Later, when you’re grown up, you realize you never get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that’s it.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“To put it kindly, I am a very talkative, social person. To put it less kindly, I’m a flibbertigibbet, which is what my frenemy Rainn Wilson calls me.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“What? I have a cold. Don’t get a look of terror on your face. The worst that could happen is that you’ll get a cold, too. You don’t have to theatrically Purell a thousand times a day and look all panicky every time I come into the room.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“For heaven’s sake, if you don’t know someone’s name, just pretend you do. Do that thing everyone else does, where you vaguely say, “Nice to see you!” and make weak eye contact.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“He was so popular you could barely look at him without being blinded by cool.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“If you’re a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“Bribes and boy bands. That’s all you need to be a babysitter.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“I will miss her dearly, and I hope that she is up in heaven right now watching us and smiling, even though deep down I know that if there is an afterlife, she’s a pretty much open-and-shut case for hell.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“At the age of six, the criteria for handsome was simply: "Is he not related to me?" and "Have I seen him on television?" That was it. By this standard, Larry Bird, Dick Clark, and Andy Rooney. All handsome guys.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
tags: humor
“My parents were supportive of my creativity but did not have a lot of patience for whimsy with zero production value. They had stuff to do.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“So things were coming together nicely for me to embark on a full-fledged depression. One good thing about New York is that most people function daily while in a low-grade depression.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
“There was silence. No one looked at me. People pretended to be absorbed in their phones. One writer didn’t even have a phone, so he just pretended to be absorbed in his hand.”
Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?


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