"Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile."
— Spider Robinson (Off the Wall at Callahan's)

" …when writing, always hook the reader with your first sentence…in love, never settle…value yourself first and this will help you to value others…life is short, so enjoy it to the fullest…everyone in the world is different, and that’s ok…"
— Spider Robinson

"...one of the secret masters of
the world: a librarian. They
control information. Don't ever p**s one off. _The Callahan Touch_
"
— Spider Robinson

"If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."
— Spider Robinson

"Just as there are laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there are in fact Laws of Conservation of Pain and Joy. Neither can ever be created or destroyed. But one can be converted into the other."
— Spider Robinson (Callahan's Crosstime Saloon)

"Sexual intercourse vests no property rights."
— Spider Robinson (Callahan's Secret)

"...I know good design when I fail to trip over it."
— Spider Robinson (Callahan's Secret)

"Me, I have a science fiction writer's conviction that the damn robot is supposed to speak
human, not the other way around."
— Spider Robinson

"...there's nothing in the human heart or mind, no place no matter how twisted or secret, that can't be endured - if you have someone to share it with."
— Spider Robinson (Callahan's Crosstime Saloon)

"...honesty is hard work."
— Spider Robinson (Callahan's Lady)

"We did make use, from time to time, of candles, neckties, scarves, shoelaces, a little water-color paintbrush, her hairbrush, butter, whipped cream, strawberry jam, Johnson’s Baby Oil, my Swedish hand vibrator, a fascinating bead necklace she had, miscellaneous common household items, and every molecule of flesh that was exposed to air or could be located with strenuous search."
— Spider Robinson (User Friendly)