Seth Grahame-Smith > Quotes

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"
Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“put the car in "d" set the compass to "n" and get the "f"out of there”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills

“Judge us not equally, Abraham. We may all deserve hell, but some of us deserve it sooner than others”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“The business of Mr. Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennett's was to get them married.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Of all the weapons she had commanded, Elizabeth knew the least of love; and of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth and
Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around
her. She was frozen-"What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were
respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed to
her back during her walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to
him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered,
"They belong to you, Miss Bennet." Upon this, their colour changed, and they were forced to look
away from one another, lest they laugh.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“There are but two types of men who desire war: those who haven’t the slightest intention of fighting it themselves, and those who haven’t the slightest idea what it is. … Any man who has seen the face of death knows better than to seek him out a second time.” — Abraham Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“Of all the weapons in the world, love is the most dangerous.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Without death,' he answered, 'life is meaningless. It is a story that can never be told. A song that can never be sung. For how would one finish it?”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“The day Henry made a choice... that some men are just too interesting to die.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“No ninjas! How was that possible? Five daughters brought up at home without any ninjas! I never heard of such a thing. Your mother must have been quite a slave to your safety.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth lifted her skirt, disregarding modesty, and delivered a swift kick to the creature's head.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Living men are bound by time... Thus, their lives have an urgency. This gives them ambition. Makes them choose those things that are most important, cling more tightly to that which they hold dear. Their lives have seasons, and rites of passage, and consequences. And ultimately, an end. But what of a life with no urgency? What then of ambition? What then of love?”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“Some people say "if we split up,we can cover more ground"-with blood”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills

“I would much prefer their minds to be engaged in the deadly arts than clouded with dreams of marriage and fortune, as your own so clearly is!”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Thank you, sir, but I am perfectly content being the bride of death.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Contrary to his infallibly "honest" image, Abe wasn't above lying so long as it served a noble purpose.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in- and I am sure my dinners are good enough for her, since she is an unmarried woman of seven-and-twenty, and as such should expect little more than a crust of bread washed down with a cup of loneliness.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger of falling in love, and were it not for his considerable skill in the deadly arts, that he should be in danger of being bested by hers--for never had he seen a lady more gifted in the ways of vanquishing the undead.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he
speaks. And there is something of dignity in the way his trousers cling to those most English parts
of him.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“
…Abe didn’t say a word. He made straight for his journal and wrote down a single sentence. One that would radically alter the course of his life, and bring a fledgeling nation to the brink of collapse.
I hereby resolve to kill every vampire in America.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide
of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“The more precious His gift, the more anxious God for its return.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“I fear that a life of death has made me numb to both.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing.
Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Most men have no purpose but to exist, Abraham; to pass quietly through history as minor characters upon a stage they cannot even see”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“What an excellent father you have, girls!' said she, when the door was shut. 'Such joys are scarce since the good Lord saw fit to close the gates of Hell and doom the dead to walk amongst us.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“My sisters and I cannot spend any substantial time searching for Wickham, as we are each commanded by His Majesty to defend Hertfordshire from all enemies until such time as we are dead, rendered lame, or married.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I leave you, hoping that the lamp of liberty will burn in your bosoms until there shall no longer be a doubt that all mean are created free and equal.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“Father may have been wanting in some things, but here he was masterful. Night upon night, I marveled at his power to hold listeners in rapt attention. He could tell a story with such detail, such flourish, that afterwards a man could swear it had been his own memory, and not a tale at all.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“All I ask is that my final months be happy ones, and that I be permitted a husband who will see to my proper Christian beheading and burial.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“These fools who haven't the slightest idea how to live the morals they espouse. These fools who proclaim themselves men of God, yet show not the slightest reverance to His word...Is it any different from a drunkard preaching temperance? A whore preaching modesty?”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“I dare say she means to keep you from his attentions. Your honour demands she be slain.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“Miss Bennet, I am quite aware of your superior talent for cutting down the Lord's forsaken flock. I merely mean to spare your gown.'
Thank you,' said Elizabeth, composing herself, 'but I should rather my gown be soiled than my honor.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered, "They belong to you, Miss Bennet.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“So long as this country is cursed with slavery, so too will it be cursed with vampires.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“However, it has long been said that "my enemy's enemy is my friend.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“We pore through libraries, dissecting the classics" Henry Sturges- vampire”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“And though it would not be long before even the daft Mr. Collins would discover her condition, and be forced to behead her, she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and her ever deepening lust for tender morsels of savory brains had not yet lost their charm.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“An accomplished woman is one who has a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing and the modern languages; she must be well trained in the fighting styles of the Kyoto masters and the modern tactics and weaponry of Europe.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith

“Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend."
"And I to see you dead.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“The true roll in determing to embrace or reject anything is not whether it have any evil in it but whether it have more of evil than of good. There are few things wholly evil or wholly good.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

“She delivered a vicious blow, penetrating his rib cage, and withdrew her hand — with the ninja's still-beating heart in it. As all but Lady Catherine turned away in disgust, Elizabeth took a bite, letting the blood run down her chin and onto her sparring gown. "Curious," said Elizabeth, still chewing. "I have tasted many a heart, but I dare say, I find the Japanese ones a bit tender."

Her ladyship left the dojo without giving compliment to Elizabeth's skills.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“A few of the guests, who had the misfortune of being too near the windows, were seized and feasted on at once. When Elizabeth stood, she saw Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.

As guests fled in every direction, Mr. Bennet's voice cut through the commotion. "Girls! Pentagram of Death!"

Elizabeth immediately joined her four sisters, Jane, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia in the center of the dance floor. Each girl produced a dagger from her ankle and stood at the tip of an imaginary five-pointed star. From the center of the room, they began stepping outward in unison - each thrusting a razor-sharp dagger with one hand, the other hand modestly tucked into the small of her back.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“It may perhaps be pleasant, but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

“I have read of the great wars of ages past, and men slaughtered by the tens of thousands. And we give but fleeting consideration to their deaths, for it is our nature to banish such thoughts.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith

“Let us pray now for the future dead. Though we do not yet know their names, we know that there shall be far too many of them.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith

“If the wise men mounted their camels now, they could escape, no question. But Balthazar hadn’t ridden into Bethlehem to run. He’d come to kill every last one of them, or die trying.”
― Seth Grahame-Smith, Unholy Night