"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"put the car in "d" set the compass to "n" and get the "f"out of there"
— Seth Grahame-Smith (How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills)

"Elizabeth: "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?"
Darcy: "They belong to you, Miss Bennett.""
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"The business of Mr. Bennett's life was to keep his daughters alive. The business of Mrs. Bennett's was to get them married."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"Elizabeth sheathed her sword, knelt behind him, and strangled him to death with his own large bowel."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"Some people say "if we split up,we can cover more ground"-with blood"
— Seth Grahame-Smith (How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills)

"I would much prefer their minds to be engaged in the deadly arts than clouded with dreams of marriage and fortune, as your own so clearly is!"
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"Elizabeth and
Darcy merely looked at one another in awkward silence, until the latter reached both arms around
her. She was frozen-"What does he mean to do?" she thought. But his intentions were
respectable, for Darcy merely meant to retrieve his Brown Bess, which Elizabeth had affixed to
her back during her walk. She remembered the lead ammunition in her pocket and offered it to
him. "Your balls, Mr. Darcy?" He reached out and closed her hand around them, and offered,
"They belong to you, Miss Bennet." Upon this, their colour changed, and they were forced to look
away from one another, lest they laugh."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure, unless Charlotte Lucas should happen to call in- and I am sure my dinners are good enough for her, since she is an unmarried woman of seven-and-twenty, and as such should expect little more than a crust of bread washed down with a cup of loneliness."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"Elizabeth lifted her skirt, disregarding modesty, and delivered a swift kick to the creature's head."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

""This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide
of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance.""
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he
speaks. And there is something of dignity in the way his trousers cling to those most English parts
of him."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"'What an excellent father you have, girls!' said she, when the door was shut. 'Such joys are scarce since the good Lord saw fit to close the gates of Hell and doom the dead to walk amongst us.'"
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains, must be in want of more brains."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her. He really believed, that were it not for the inferiority of her connections, he should be in some danger of falling in love, and were it not for his considerable skill in the deadly arts, that he should be in danger of being bested by hers--for never had he seen a lady more gifted in the ways of vanquishing the undead."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"My sisters and I cannot spend any substantial time searching for Wickham, as we are each commanded by His Majesty to defend Hertfordshire from all enemies until such time as we are dead, rendered lame, or married."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)

"Of all the weapons she had commanded, Elizabeth knew the least of love; and of all the weapons in the world, love was the most dangerous."
— Seth Grahame-Smith (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies)