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Terry Pratchett quotes (showing 121-150 of 5,254)

“I get it,' said the prisoner. 'Good Cop, Bad Cop, eh?'
If you like.' said Vimes. 'But we're a bit short staffed here, so if I give you a cigarette would you mind kicking yourself in the teeth?”
Terry Pratchett, Night Watch
“The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.”
Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
“You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs. ”
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic
“What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.
Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.”
Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
“Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a witch. It concentrated people's minds on what other things might be on this house.”
Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad
“Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them”
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
“Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a tin opener that can be operated with a paw.”
Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
tags: cats
“Something Vimes had learned as a young guard drifted up from memory. If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you're going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat.

They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar.

So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.”
Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
“Once we were blobs in the sea, and then fishes, and then lizards and rats and then monkeys, and hundreds of things in between. This hand was once a fin, this hand once had claws! In my human mouth I have the pointy teeth of a wolf and the chisel teeth of a rabbit and the grinding teeth of a cow! Our blood is as salty as the sea we used to live in! When we're frightened, the hair on our skin stands up, just like it did when we had fur. We are history! Everything we've ever been on the way to becoming us, we still are. [...]

I'm made up of the memories of my parents and my grandparents, all my ancestors. They're in the way I look, in the colour of my hair. And I'm made up of everyone I've ever met who's changed the way I think.”
Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
“Goodness is about what you do. Not who you pray to.”
Terry Pratchett, Snuff
“I commend my soul to any god that can find it.”
Terry Pratchett, Going Postal
“She walked quickly through the darkness with the frank stride of someone who was at least certain that the forest, on this damp and windy night, contained strange and terrible things and she was it.”
Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters
“She heard him mutter, 'Can you take away this grief?'
'I'm sorry,' she replied. 'Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.”
Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight
“The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort.”
Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic
“Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.”
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic
“She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do.
And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find
herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.”
Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
“Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.”
Terry Pratchett
"It's not that I don't want... I mean, I've's just that life is a habit that's hard to break...”
Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man
“Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue.”
Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic
“They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because you're alive, when you really shouldn't be.”
Terry Pratchett, Nation
“The secret is not to dream," she whispered. "The secret is to wake up. Waking up is harder. I have woken up and I am real. I know where I come from and I know where I'm going. You cannot fool me any more. Or touch me. Or anything that is mine.”
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
“Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.”
Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
“I'm not the world's greatest expert, but I would have thought that the wizards, witches, trolls, unicorns, ... broomsticks and spells would have given her a clue?' - when J.K. Rowling insisted she wasn't writing fantasy.”
Terry Pratchett
“Them as can do has to do for them as can't. And someone has to speak up for them as has no voices.”
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
“The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.”
Terry Pratchett
“And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.”
Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum
“Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.”
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.”
Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant
“What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.”
Terry Pratchett, Going Postal
“Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant 'idiot'.”
Terry Pratchett, The Color of Magic

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