MaryJanice Davidson > Quotes

“It's inappropriate for the queen of the dead to be afraid of
ghosts.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unemployed

“I'm the wife of a king, and the mother of kings. And I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. So fuck off, Jack.- Queen Christina (The Royal Treatment)”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“Never let your fiend off his leash unless there's lots of room to run (and no people around).”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“You have attained maturity; display it for us, if you please.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Swimming Without a Net

“He said my name the way diabetics talked about hot fudge sundaes.”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“I'm rubber and you're glue," I told Satan, " and everything that bounces of me sticks to you.”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“Hell couldn't be worse than a WalMart after midnight, right?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unfinished

“You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Me, Myself and Why?

“Take your hands off her, Sinclair told the guy behind me, Or they'll write books about what I'll do to you.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Uneasy

“I could have gone to medical school, I said. Except for all the math and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“They weren't moving. Perhaps I was dazzling then with my ineptitude. It had happened before.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unworthy

“Has anyone ever told you that you lack focus?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“There's more than one way for a girl to Google a cat.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unworthy

“It's nice to see you again, Laura."

"Thank you, Mrs. T-"

"No, no, no. Please, my name is-"

"Mud," I suggested. "Mud Barfbag Taylor. Call her Asshat for short."

~Laura, Antonia, Betsy”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unfinished

“I've been stabbed before. Barely a week ago, in fact. AND I've been audited, AND I come from a broken home. In short - no offense, shorty - you don't scare me.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“She couldn't tell where his pupils ended and the irises began; looking into those eyes was like looking into a well where children had drowned.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Faeries Gone Wild

“Elizabeth Anne Taylor
April 25, 1974 - April 25, 2004
Our Sweetheart, Only resting”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unreturnable

“Then she (Queen Christina) stood with the Prince and grinned like a monkey and waved like a fucked-up prom queen while about a thousand flashbulb went off in her face.”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to be recognized. But I was kind of a prude about cheating on taxes, group sex, murder, and stuff.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I slipped one of the shoes off, looked at the inside. Property of Antonia O'Neill Taylor. I knew it. My stepmother! The bitch meant to bury me wearing her cast off shoes!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Also,I loathe it when you refer to me as dude" Eric Sinclair to Betsy”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unfinished

“He snarled at me. "This isn't over yet, Betsy."
"Excellent," I said. "I would also have accepted 'You haven't seen the last of me' and 'You'll regret this'.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“I—I adore you, too. Well, I don't know if I adore you. That's not really the word I'd use. But I—I—" I managed to wrench it out. God, this was hard! "I love you."
"Of course you do," he said, totally unsurprised.
"WHAT? I finally tell you my deepest, most personal feelings and you're all, 'Yeah, I already got that memo'? This, this is why you drive me nuts! This is why it's so hard to tell you things! I take it back.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“Darling, I have a penis. Ergo I have no preferences.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unreturnable

“Wow, girlfriend, you're incompatible with life!
And here I thought I was just incompatible with pink.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?"
"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."
"Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Sleeping with the Fishes

“He's all right. His hair is cute."
Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."
"I'm not in love."
"'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."
" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."
"Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"
" Will you simmer. I certainly am not.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Sleeping with the Fishes

“Majesty, I beg your forgiveness for the idignity you suffered and offer you the head of our enemy as—"

"Put that thing down," I said impatiently. "I can't talk to you when you're shaking his head like a damned maraca.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Can you burn me up with holy water? Poke me to death with your crucifix? Pelt me with communion wafers?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago."
"Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Sleeping with the Fishes

“I swore we'd never be together, but—'

'Your inner whore would not be denied.' she finished.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“I've always assumed he'd be around to be, you know, yelled at and taken for granted. And of course I was wrong. Nobody's going to put up with that forever.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unpopular

“I zoomed in on the shoe department like a blonde homing pigeon. Shoes, shoes everywhere! Ah, sweet shoes. I truly think you can take the measure of a civilization by looking at its footwear.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unemployed

“Did vampirism encourage Stockholm syndrome?”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Back off, boys. You don't want to mess with an out-of-work secretary. We're real testy.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“George you were very very bad to run away from Alice. Very bad But you were very good to stomp Sinclair when he was being a dick so I think we'll call this a wash.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“I fucking hate tomato juice! It’s like drinking red snot.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, The Royal Mess

“Why don't you mind your own fucking business?" I snapped. "If I want to take my sister to my place of business, that's my own damned business and not any of your business." Was I overusing the word business? Fuck it. "So mind your own business.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“Sinclair doesn't love your sister."
"Not yet." I said darkly. "Give him time."
"Look, I'm sure he's interested in her—"
"Wait till you see her. Just wait."
"Like he doesn't have pussy thrown at him from cars?"
"What a horrifying mental image.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unappreciated

“You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don't look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma'am."

"Sit up. Arf," I teased.

"What about her?" Jessica cried, pointing in my general direction. "She's more in need of an etiquette lesson than I am."

"Yeah," I said, "but I'm the Queen. With a capital fucking Q. Hey, you're looking me in the eyes for too long! Eric, make her stop!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unpopular

“It was scary how much she sounded like me sometimes. Maybe that's why she totally got on my nerves”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unpopular

“Interesting shade #23 Lush Golden Blonde highlights. Heyyyyyy.... The woman in the awful suit was me! The woman in the cheap shoes was me!”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“I trudged around on the muddy river bottom for half an hour, patiently waiting to drown, before giving up and slogging my way back to shore.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Kissing Sinclair was like making out with a sexy timber wolf— he was licking my fangs and nipping me lightly and growling under his breath and it was...oh, it was really something.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unwed

“Why is it suddenly uncool to spell? That's all I want to know.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Undermined

“Delk shifted in his chair, the arrow point never wavering. "What do you want?"

"Oh, the usual.World peace, a pair of Christian Louboton heels, a perfect wedding.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Uneasy

“Mom, he was fucking my mother. He's a motherfucker!
- Sleeping with the Fishes”
― MaryJanice Davidson

“It never failed—I'd buy a new journal, write like a madwoman for ten pages, then lose total interest in the process. Three months later, I'd start the whole process all over again. I think I just liked buying new notebooks.”
― MaryJanice Davidson, Undead and Unpopular