quotes by John Hodgman

" "Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the Earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them." "
— John Hodgman

"Stories hold power because they convey the illusion that life has purpose and direction. Where God is absent from the lives of all but the most blessed, the writer, of all people, replaces that ordering principle. Stories make sense when so much around us is senseless, and perhaps what makes them most comforting is that, while life goes on and pain goes on, stories do us the favor of ending."
— John Hodgman

"I have learned that newborn infants roll their eyes around and move their heads and their arms in short jerky spasms. And if you homeschool them, they will stay this way forever."
— John Hodgman (The Areas of My Expertise)

"A stopped clock is correct twice a day, but a sundial can be used to stab someone, even at nighttime."
— John Hodgman (More Information Than You Require)

"That which is hard to do is best done bitterly."
— John Hodgman (More Information Than You Require)

"We have all been empowered by the web: everyone with a keyboard can now effectively broadcast to a national audience. In a sense, it puts each of us on the same footing as the major media conglomerates, except for AOL, who now apparently own all our thoughts and teeth."
— John Hodgman

"We all know he kept a bowl of live frogs by his resting slab in the Oval Office that he would snack on during meetings."
— John Hodgman (More Information Than You Require)

"Manly deeds, womanly hands."
— John Hodgman (The Areas of My Expertise)

""I still have a fondness for books. Many a time I will be antiquing, and I'll say, 'What's that old-timey curio over there? What is that, a candlestick telephone, one of those old pull-chain toilets? Oh no, it's a book. I used to help make those things! I will buy it and use it to decorate my chain of casual family-dining restaurants.'""
— John Hodgman