Joan Rivers > Quotes

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”
― Joan Rivers

“I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
― Joan Rivers

“If God wanted us to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor”
― Joan Rivers

“It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.”
― Joan Rivers

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”
― Joan Rivers

“I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
― Joan Rivers

“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make
it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll
make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark
the present.”
― Joan Rivers

“She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.”
― Joan Rivers

“Ginger did everything Fred did, only backwards and in High Heels!”
― Joan Rivers

“Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.”
― Joan Rivers