Spike Milligan > Quotes

“Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”
― Spike Milligan

“Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy. ”
― Spike Milligan

“Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee.
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?”
― Spike Milligan

“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.”
― Spike Milligan

“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. ”
― Spike Milligan

“I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
”
― Spike Milligan

“I have a body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
― Spike Milligan

“A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush”
― Spike Milligan

“I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)”
― Spike Milligan

“What is a Bongaloo, Daddy?"
A Bongaloo, Son," said I,
Is a tall bag of cheese
Plus a Chinaman's knees
And the leg of a nanny goat's eye”
― Spike Milligan

“My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.”
― Spike Milligan

“On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
And the Monkeys all say Boo!
Theres a Nang Nong Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the Mice go Clang!
And you just cant catch em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong!
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning!
Trees go Ping!
Nong Ning Nang!
The mice go Clang!

What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!”
― Spike Milligan

“After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it”
― Spike Milligan, Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall

“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Come, come, come? I'm not asking for hundreds of pounds, just a little to start with. Will someone say ten shillings?'
'I can say it, Father' said Milligan, 'but I haven't got it.'
'I've got it,' thought Dr Goldstein, 'but I'm not going to say it.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“A family man from Siberia
As a father was very inferior
But one operation
Revised the situation
And now he's Mother Superior”
― Spike Milligan, The Essential Spike Milligan

“The die was cast. It was a proud day for the Milligan family as I was taken from the house. "I'm too young to go," I screamed as Military Policemen dragged me from my pram, clutching a dummy. At Victoria Station the R.T.O. gave me a travel warrant, a white feather and a picture of Hitler marked "This is your enemy." I searched every compartment, but he wasn't on the train. At 4.30, June 2nd, 1940, on a summer's day all mare's tails and blue sky we arrived at Bexhill-on-Sea, where I got off. It wasn't easy. The train didn't stop there.”
― Spike Milligan, Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall

“Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.”
― Spike Milligan

“The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.”
― Spike Milligan

“I told you I was sick.”
― Spike Milligan

“R.I.P.
Tom Conlon O'Rourke.
Not Dead, just Sleeping.”
― Spike Milligan

“The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.”
― Spike Milligan

“Pakistani Dalek: Put him in the cur-ry”
― Spike Milligan, The Essential Spike Milligan

“I told you I was ill. (On Millian's headstone)”
― Spike Milligan