quotes by Woody Allen

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen

"To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition."
— Woody Allen

"life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
— Woody Allen

"It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel."
— Woody Allen

"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. "
— Woody Allen

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."
— Woody Allen

"Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right."
— Woody Allen

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it by not dying."
— Woody Allen

"If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up"
— Woody Allen (Annie Hall (Faber Reel Classics))

"Eighty percent of success is showing up. "
— Woody Allen

"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."
— Woody Allen

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
— Woody Allen

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable. "
— Woody Allen (Annie Hall (Faber Reel Classics))

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
— Woody Allen

"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly."
— Woody Allen

"If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."
— Woody Allen

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."
— Woody Allen

"A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men.
I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. "
— Woody Allen

"I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic,"
— Woody Allen