quotes by Tom Waits

"Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends."
— Tom Waits

"There ain't no devil, only God when he's drunk."
— Tom Waits

"Well, it's either kiss me or kill me, that's how I see it."
— Tom Waits

"My kids are starting to notice I'm a little different from the other dads. "Why don't you have a straight job like everyone else?" they asked me the other day. I told them this story: In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day."
— Tom Waits

"The big print giveth and the small print taketh away. "
— Tom Waits

"In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Every day, the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, "Look at me...I'm tall, and I'm straight, and I'm handsome. Look at you...you're all crooked and bent over. No one wants to look at you." And they grew up in that forest together. And then one day the loggers came, and they saw the crooked tree and the straight tree, and they said, "Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest." So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper. And the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stranger every day."
— Tom Waits

"I've seen it all through the yellow windows of the evening train... "
— Tom Waits

""I've been riding on the crest of a slump lately." "
— Tom Waits

"...and the earth died screaming, while I lay dreaming..."
— Tom Waits

"Well I got a bad liver and broken heart,
yeah,I drunk me a river since you
tore me apart"
— Tom Waits

"Well you say that it's gospel,
But I know that it's only church."
— Tom Waits

"I've lost my equilibrium, my car keys, and my pride."
— Tom Waits

""I walked 500 miles just to see a halo, when I opened my eyes I was blind as can be.""
— Tom Waits

""The piano has been drinking, not me." "
— Tom Waits

"Oh, I'm not a percussionist, I just like to hit things."
— Tom Waits

"You know there ain't no devil, that's just God when he's drunk..."
— Tom Waits

"Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at."
— Tom Waits

""The Music was like Electric Sugar""
— Tom Waits

""I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.""
— Tom Waits

"I hate Disneyland. It primes our kids for Las Vegas."
— Tom Waits

"I ain't got no spare/I ain't got no jack/I don't give a shit/I'm not going back"
— Tom Waits

"A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't."
— Tom Waits

"The large print giveth and the small print taketh away."
— Tom Waits (The Early Years: The Lyrics of Tom Waits 1971-1983)

"The ship is sinking
The ship is sinking
There's leak, there's a leak,in the boiler room
The poor, the lame, the blind
Who ore the ones that we kept in
charge
Killers, thieves, and lawyers
God's Away, God's away
God's away on Business"
— Tom Waits

"and when they pulled her from the wreck, you know, she still had on her shades"
— Tom Waits

"When the weather's rough and it's whiskey in the rain it's best to wrap your savior up in cellophane."
— Tom Waits

"I've made a profound transformation. I've fashioned some cyber-underwear. I'm not scared of anything! Actually, I am scared of a few things. Cyber world is a world of adventure, a new galaxy. I'm big on adventure. But I don't assume that just because the word cyber is being used as a prefix, doesn't give it anymore value or credence. Cyber relationships have the illusion of intimacy, sometimes with the absence of intimacy. Is it better to have a conversation in a café or on the telephone?"
— Tom Waits

"I've never been a fan of personality-conflict burgers and identity-crisis omelets with patchouli oil. I function very well on a diet that consists of Chicken Catastrophe and Eggs Overwhelming and a tall, cool Janitor-in-a-Drum. I like to walk out of a restaurant with enough gas to open a Mobil station."
— Tom Waits

"Q: What’s hard for you?

A: Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination. My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane. Math is hard. Reading a map. Following orders. Carpentry. Electronics. Plumbing. Remembering things correctly. Straight lines. Sheet rock. Finding a safety pin. Patience with others. Ordering in Chinese. Stereo instructions in German.



"
— Tom Waits

"slept all night in the cedar grove,
i was born to ramble, born to rove,
some men are searchin' for the holy grail,
but there ain't nothin' sweeter
than ridin' the rails"
— Tom Waits

""Oh I don't mind going to weddings, just as long as it's not my own...""
— Tom Waits