"If you want to know who the oppressed minorities in America are, simply look at who gets their own shelf in the bookstore. A black shelf, a women's shelf, and a gay shelf."
— Armistead Maupin

"Oh, Mona, we're all damned fools! Some of us just have more fun with it than others. Loosen up, dear! Don't be so afraid to cry . . . or laugh, for that matter. Laugh all you want and cry all you want and whistle at pretty men in the street and to hell with anybody who thinks you're a damned fool!"
— Armistead Maupin (More Tales of the City)

"What about San Francisco?"
"What about it?"
"Did you like it?"
She shrugged. "It was O.K."
"Just O.K.?"
She laughed. "Good God!"
"What?"
"You're all alike here."
"How so?" he asked.
"You demand adoration for the place. You're not happy until everybody swears undying love for every nook and cranny of every precious damn --"
"Whoa, missy."
"Well, it's true. Can't you just worship it on your own? Do I have to sign an affadavit?"
He chuckled. "We're that bad, are we?"
"You bet your ass you are."
— Armistead Maupin

"Mona knocked at the wrong time.
“Uh…yeah…wait a minute, Mona”
Mona shouted through the door. “Roomservice, gentlemen. Just pull the covers up.”
Michael grinned at Jon. “My roommate. Brace yourself”
Seconds later, Mona burst through the doorway with a tray of coffee and croissants.
“Hi! I’m Nancy Drew! You must be the Hardy Boys!”
--Mona Ramsey
"
— Armistead Maupin (Tales of the City)

"Taureans are stubborn as hell. They never want to tell you what sign they are.... But underneath that tough Taurus hide beats the heart of a hopeless romantic."
— Armistead Maupin

""Nobody's happy. What's happy? Happiness is over when the lights come on."
The older woman poured herself a glass of sangria. "Screw that"she said quietly.
"What?"
"Screw that. Wash your mouth out. Who taught you that half-assed existential drivel?""
— Armistead Maupin (Tales of the City)

""'If I had my way...We would lock ourselves away from that madness out there...'" "
— Armistead Maupin (Further Tales of the City)