Armistead Maupin > Quotes

“If you want to know who the oppressed minorities in America are, simply look at who gets their own shelf in the bookstore. A black shelf, a women's shelf, and a gay shelf.”
― Armistead Maupin

“I know I can't tell you what it's like to be gay. But I can tell you what it's not. It's not hiding behind words, Mama. Like family and decency and Christianity.”
― Armistead Maupin

“Taureans are stubborn as hell. They never want to tell you what sign they are.... But underneath that tough Taurus hide beats the heart of a hopeless romantic.”
― Armistead Maupin

“I felt very close to God.... My friends say that's because I was always on my knees.”
― Armistead Maupin

“Oh, Mona, we're all damned fools! Some of us just have more fun with it than others. Loosen up, dear! Don't be so afraid to cry . . . or laugh, for that matter. Laugh all you want and cry all you want and whistle at pretty men in the street and to hell with anybody who thinks you're a damned fool!”
― Armistead Maupin, More Tales of the City

“Mona knocked at the wrong time.
“Uh…yeah…wait a minute, Mona -- ”
Mona shouted through the door. “Room service, gentlemen. Just pull the covers up.”
Michael grinned at Jon. “My roommate. Brace yourself.”
Seconds later, Mona burst through the doorway with a tray of coffee and croissants.
“Hi! I’m Nancy Drew! You must be the Hardy Boys!”
― Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City

“Nobody's happy. What's happy? Happiness is over when the lights come on."
The older woman poured herself a glass of sangria. "Screw that," she said quietly.
"What?"
"Screw that. Wash your mouth out. Who taught you that half-assed existential drivel?”
― Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City

“What about San Francisco?"
"What about it?"
"Did you like it?"
She shrugged. "It was O.K."
"Just O.K.?"
She laughed. "Good God!"
"What?"
"You're all alike here."
"How so?" he asked.
"You demand adoration for the place. You're not happy until everybody swears undying love for every nook and cranny of every precious damn --"
"Whoa, missy."
"Well, it's true. Can't you just worship it on your own? Do I have to sign an affadavit?"
He chuckled. "We're that bad, are we?"
"You bet your ass you are.”
― Armistead Maupin

“I'm not sure I even need a lover, male or female. Sometimes I think I'd settle for five good friends.”
― Armistead Maupin, 28 Barbary Lane: A "Tales of the City" Omnibus

“Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun.”
― Armistead Maupin, Maybe the Moon

“..numbed by disappointment and betrayal, like a child who had been awakened suddenly from a summer dream about christmas morning.”
― Armistead Maupin, 28 Barbary Lane: A "Tales of the City" Omnibus

“There is no fifth destination.”
― Armistead Maupin

“Her apartment seemed fussier than ever, as if the doilies and tassels had taken to breeding in their unguarded moments.”
― Armistead Maupin, More Tales of the City

“If I had my way...We would lock ourselves away from that madness out there...”
― Armistead Maupin, Further Tales of the City

“Things speed up as you circle the drain.
Armistead Maupin on ageing”
― Armistead Maupin

“She told me about the cop. And the movie star, and the construction worker. You're not having a life Michael, you're fucking the Village People one at a time”
― Armistead Maupin, Further Tales of the City

“Her Mao tse-tung t-shirt was stretched so tightly across her chest that the Chairman was grinning broadly”
― Armistead Maupin, 28 Barbary Lane: A "Tales of the City" Omnibus

“Solitude was no reason for sloppiness”
― Armistead Maupin, 28 Barbary Lane: A "Tales of the City" Omnibus

“I want to deceive him just long enough to make him want me..”
― Armistead Maupin, 28 Barbary Lane: A "Tales of the City" Omnibus

“Don't listen when they scoff
That you are too old and I am young,
For I am old enough to know better
And you are young enough not to care.”
― Armistead Maupin, 28 Barbary Lane: A "Tales of the City" Omnibus

“Nobody's happy. What's happy? Happiness is over when the lights come on”
― Armistead Maupin

“Hey, you look at your tits; I'll look at mine! (Michael Tolliver, Tales of the City)”
― Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City

“Down the Peninsula at Cypress Lawn Cemetery, a woman in a paisley turban climbed out of a battered automobile and trudged up the hillside to a new grave.

She stood there for a moment, humming to herself, then removed a joint from a tortoise-shell cigarette case and laid it gently on the grave.

"Have fun," she smiled. "It's Colombian.”
― Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City

“Pete thinks we all have a blacking factory: some awful moment, early on, when we surrender our childish hearts as surely as we lose our baby teeth.”
― Armistead Maupin, The Night Listener

“Thack seemed to sort something out for a moment.
“Sometimes I watch him when he’s playing with Harry or digging in the yard. And I think: This is it, this is the guy I’ve waited for all my life. Then this other voice tells me not to get used to it, that it’ll only hurt more later. It’s funny. You’re feeling this enormous good fortune and waiting for it to be over at the same time.”
“You seem happy,” Brian ventured.
“I am.”
“Well … that’s a lot. I envy you that.”
Thack shrugged. “All we’ve got is now, I guess. But that’s all anybody gets. If we wasted that time being scared …”
“Absolutely.”
― Armistead Maupin, Sure of You